[Setting the mug aside where it can't be knocked over probably is the smartest thing to do here. But for now Hiyori merely hums in thought after he's kissed, considering those words before he nods in understanding.]
Ah, so it's like that.
[He relaxes his hold until he's only half-hugging Elan.]
That just means it's mutual, since I also trust Elan-kun. I trust him not to talk about our secret trysts! Which you could say means I'm entrusting you with my dreams. And the dreams of people I love, like Nagisa-kun and Jun-kun.
[Since the whole unit would take a hit if his actions caused a scandal... Still, he knows Elan's secrets are rather different, and so he continues:]
I guess that's not the same as your situation, though. In your case, having someone who knows you must feel unsettling, when you've been keeping secrets for so long. But it's also a relief, isn't it?
Don't give me dreams, that sounds like way too much work...
[ He laughs softly. It's a bit of tease, but also a little sincere. He's not sure he wants to hold on to all of that. It's a little bit of something he's not quite sure of. But what else is there to do but keep going? ]
...but I guess it is a relief in a way. The weight's still there and it's mine. But I'm not about to fall underneath it, if that makes any kind of sense.
I'm not asking for much! All you need to do is avoid shouting about us from the rooftops. That should be easy enough, no? Though I do understand wanting to brag to absolutely everyone. That you, Elan-kun, were held by the beautiful Hiyori Tomoe...♪
[Elan should feel free to smack him for that comment. And for a lot of other comments. But he does stop joking around after that, so he can give Elan's words the proper consideration they deserve. Elan's past weighs on him, he admits, but he's not about to collapse under that weight—that's a good thing, isn't it?]
Mhm. Makes sense to me.
[Maybe it makes too much sense. He gives Elan a bit more space, his palms pressing against the warm sides of his mug again, and he sounds all too knowing when he says:]
The past won't ever go away. But as long as you're alive, you can build a brighter future for yourself. One filled with things you love.
[ Elan gives him a little shove. Although it's not meant all that seriously. What a dork he's fallen in with...
And then he has to pause. Because despite all the back and forth teasing, Hiyori is right about that. It's such a stupid little thing, but... there are people who aren't alive any more to build that kind of life. Elan doesn't think of himself as necessarily sentimental. Even so... there's a touch of melancholy in his tone. ]
I can. And not everyone else has that ability. So I guess I better savor it while I can.
[ He glances sidelong at Hiyori. ]
And you, while you're here. [ He's gotta quickly shift past that somehow. ]
He moves after the shove, giving Elan some space. Leaning back against the couch, he holds the mug upright in his lap, watching Elan's face while he talks. "Not everyone else has that ability," he says. Given what Elan's environment used to be like, Hiyori can guess at what he means.
If things had gone even a little differently, it'd be like that for Elan, too. Wouldn't it? He was meant to be a body double, after all. An expendable copy of an important person. Of course, all of that is over, and Hiyori would prefer to focus on the bright future rather than the dreary past. So would Elan, from the sound of it. And yet, it does make him angry. Elan's past, that is.
Those last words help to shift his focus, anyway. He blinks at suddenly being named like that, before he smiles again.]
I don't plan to disappear. We in Eden have the opposite planned: we're going to get even more popular, and then our faces and songs will be absolutely everywhere. Even on overseas billboards overseas! ♪
I do need to get back to ES tomorrow morning. But when Elan-kun yearns to speak with me, he can always text me. Perhaps we could even video call...♪
[It's the truth. Though he's also being a bit obtuse. After all... how long is their friends-with-benefits arrangement going to last?]
Seeing you on billboards or in advertisements is a little different from having you in arm's reach.
[ Elan points out with a little sigh. A fond sort of sigh, really. He's... well. What is he? Not in love, probably. But affectionate. It's not quite the same thing, although there's still a little squeeze in his chest at the thought of them parting. ]
Not that I'd want to ask you to stop or interrupt your life for me. I know how impossible that is. But if I'm supposed to enjoy what I have, I will.
[ He waggles a finger at Hiyori. ]
...if I video call you, you're going to have to explain to your unit or whatever who I am, right?
True! [He chimes in matter-of-factly.] Idols aren't normally someone you can reach out and touch. Except in your dreams, of course~♪
[Which makes Elan special. Hiyori's already hammered in that point over and over again, though, so he won't harp on it again.
Really, Elan is a good boy. For all that Hiyori teases him about his greed (in bed and otherwise), he doesn't ask for anything too selfish. Which is fortunate, since Hiyori wouldn't stop his life for him even if he asked. It sounds harsh. But Eden is his family.
Just because he can't give Elan everything doesn't mean he can't give him anything, though. They can still share intimacies in some form or another, as he cheerfully explains when Elan questions his video chat idea.]
Perhaps, but perhaps not! We're not together all the time. So if I called you from my dorm room, I might need to explain to Kanata-kun or Rinne-senpai instead.
[Which probably isn't reassuring. But he does add:]
Or not. We do try to stay out of each other's hair. And we already have that cover story! The one we told Jun-kun and the others way back when. "Elan-kun is someone I met at an amusement park, and then we reunited while hiking!" Remember that story? ♪
Ohhh, right, that story. I'll have to refresh myself so I can keep it straight. I guess we'll be friends to them. Which is true, although not all friends do the things we do, huh?
[ Elan is being a bit cheeky, but it's true. Their relationship isn't exactly platonic - but nor is it romantic, either. It's... a blend of the two and so far they make it work. It helps that Elan doesn't think he could muster up any jealousy. It isn't like they promised one another much of anything. ]
I kinda want to hear your explanation now, just to see what people think about it. Or me.
[If all friends slept together, that would be a bit... well. Yeah.
Hiyori has no problem with the conversation but it does seem Elan has a cheeky look on his face. Hiyori takes a sip of his tea and then explains, matter-of-factly:]
I don't know what Rinne-senpai or Kanata-kun would think, but I could tell you what Nagisa-kun and Jun-kun thought. Nagisa-kun said your name was unique, and that it means "spirit" or "enthusiasm!" I also told him you like wandering across the country, which might have made him feel a sense of kinship.
[It's not the only thing they have in common. Elan and Nagisa, that is. Nagisa's origins (which may or may not include being a test tube baby, according to a recent Enstars story...) are also shrouded in mystery. And he's someone who took a long time to start "living for himself," too.]
And then Jun-kun thought you were "kinda mysterious," but he was glad you pointed me in the right direction.
[That's something Jun actually said to Elan way back when. It was after Elan said his name was "something he picked up along the way." A very mysterious statement!]
[ Very mysterious. Elan likes to keep his distance to most people - with some exceptions, of course - and he's quietly rather pleased to hear the answers he's given. He even looks a little smug. ]
Well, I'm glad that I made an impression. It's what I strive to do, after all.
[ He leans into Hiyori, snuggling into his shoulder with a grin. ]
Maybe I should try to get to know Nagisa. See if he really does have a bit of kinship.
[ Or something. He's trying to figure this all out, honestly. Or maybe he just wants to see how Hiyori reacts again. ]
[He allows the snuggling and gives Elan a merry smile.]
Sure, whyever not? Nagisa-kun's a wonderful person, so I'm sure you're bound to get along. And together, you can talk about all the things you love! Like going on trips, looking at lovely scenery...
[He pauses deliberately. Can Elan guess where he's going with this?]
[His lips immediately turn down at those implications, eyes narrowing, before he turns up his nose.]
Close! Nagisa-kun and I are like family. Which means we hold hands, share our dreams, spend valuable time together, and accept each other no matter what!
[Do family members typically do all those things...?]
[He did get a reaction. But while his love for Nagisa is a simple, the prospect of doing that with him seems complicated. In some respects, it'd be like plucking a forbidden fruit from a tree.
So naturally, he has to get Elan back.]
Yep, we sure are! ♪ You're not jealous, are you? This isn't your way of hiding your pain, is it? If so, don't worry! I like Elan-kun, too! ♪ It's just that family always comes first.
[He smiles a bit more warmly now that he's no longer being teased about Nagisa.]
Well, there's no need to wonder about that with me. Unlike some people, I'm the type who smiles when I'm happy and frowns when I'm unhappy. There's that, plus I also keep a ranking of who's nearest and dearest to my heart! That way, absolutely everyone knows exactly where they stand~♪
[Don't listen to his lies. He isn't always honest about people's "rank." For example, he likes to tell Jun that he's ranked below Nagisa, but he told Nagisa that he and Jun are equally important to him...]
[Elan is a champ for taking that in stride. For all his teasing, Hiyori doesn't want him to feel bad about himself. He wants him to feel good! So he snuggles closer on the couch, musing out loud:]
It's hard to compare, I suppose. You're one of the only people I know who doesn't fall into an easy category, like "family" or "co-worker." You're just Elan-kun! ♪ But I guess if I had to put a name to us, maybe "friend" would do it? And then there's that "benefits" part you mentioned before...
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[ Elan replies with a little laugh. And it's true.
Funny, that.
He kisses him again and squeezes, setting his own mug aside. ]
That's why you're dangerous.
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Ah, so it's like that.
[He relaxes his hold until he's only half-hugging Elan.]
That just means it's mutual, since I also trust Elan-kun. I trust him not to talk about our secret trysts! Which you could say means I'm entrusting you with my dreams. And the dreams of people I love, like Nagisa-kun and Jun-kun.
[Since the whole unit would take a hit if his actions caused a scandal... Still, he knows Elan's secrets are rather different, and so he continues:]
I guess that's not the same as your situation, though. In your case, having someone who knows you must feel unsettling, when you've been keeping secrets for so long. But it's also a relief, isn't it?
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[ He laughs softly. It's a bit of tease, but also a little sincere. He's not sure he wants to hold on to all of that. It's a little bit of something he's not quite sure of. But what else is there to do but keep going? ]
...but I guess it is a relief in a way. The weight's still there and it's mine. But I'm not about to fall underneath it, if that makes any kind of sense.
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[Elan should feel free to smack him for that comment. And for a lot of other comments. But he does stop joking around after that, so he can give Elan's words the proper consideration they deserve. Elan's past weighs on him, he admits, but he's not about to collapse under that weight—that's a good thing, isn't it?]
Mhm. Makes sense to me.
[Maybe it makes too much sense. He gives Elan a bit more space, his palms pressing against the warm sides of his mug again, and he sounds all too knowing when he says:]
The past won't ever go away. But as long as you're alive, you can build a brighter future for yourself. One filled with things you love.
[Including a version of yourself you love.]
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[ Elan gives him a little shove. Although it's not meant all that seriously. What a dork he's fallen in with...
And then he has to pause. Because despite all the back and forth teasing, Hiyori is right about that. It's such a stupid little thing, but... there are people who aren't alive any more to build that kind of life. Elan doesn't think of himself as necessarily sentimental. Even so... there's a touch of melancholy in his tone. ]
I can. And not everyone else has that ability. So I guess I better savor it while I can.
[ He glances sidelong at Hiyori. ]
And you, while you're here. [ He's gotta quickly shift past that somehow. ]
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[Sorry he's laughing at your annoyance, Elan.
He moves after the shove, giving Elan some space. Leaning back against the couch, he holds the mug upright in his lap, watching Elan's face while he talks. "Not everyone else has that ability," he says. Given what Elan's environment used to be like, Hiyori can guess at what he means.
If things had gone even a little differently, it'd be like that for Elan, too. Wouldn't it? He was meant to be a body double, after all. An expendable copy of an important person. Of course, all of that is over, and Hiyori would prefer to focus on the bright future rather than the dreary past. So would Elan, from the sound of it. And yet, it does make him angry. Elan's past, that is.
Those last words help to shift his focus, anyway. He blinks at suddenly being named like that, before he smiles again.]
I don't plan to disappear. We in Eden have the opposite planned: we're going to get even more popular, and then our faces and songs will be absolutely everywhere. Even on overseas billboards overseas! ♪
I do need to get back to ES tomorrow morning. But when Elan-kun yearns to speak with me, he can always text me. Perhaps we could even video call...♪
[It's the truth. Though he's also being a bit obtuse. After all... how long is their friends-with-benefits arrangement going to last?]
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[ Elan points out with a little sigh. A fond sort of sigh, really. He's... well. What is he? Not in love, probably. But affectionate. It's not quite the same thing, although there's still a little squeeze in his chest at the thought of them parting. ]
Not that I'd want to ask you to stop or interrupt your life for me. I know how impossible that is. But if I'm supposed to enjoy what I have, I will.
[ He waggles a finger at Hiyori. ]
...if I video call you, you're going to have to explain to your unit or whatever who I am, right?
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[Which makes Elan special. Hiyori's already hammered in that point over and over again, though, so he won't harp on it again.
Really, Elan is a good boy. For all that Hiyori teases him about his greed (in bed and otherwise), he doesn't ask for anything too selfish. Which is fortunate, since Hiyori wouldn't stop his life for him even if he asked. It sounds harsh. But Eden is his family.
Just because he can't give Elan everything doesn't mean he can't give him anything, though. They can still share intimacies in some form or another, as he cheerfully explains when Elan questions his video chat idea.]
Perhaps, but perhaps not! We're not together all the time. So if I called you from my dorm room, I might need to explain to Kanata-kun or Rinne-senpai instead.
[Which probably isn't reassuring. But he does add:]
Or not. We do try to stay out of each other's hair. And we already have that cover story! The one we told Jun-kun and the others way back when. "Elan-kun is someone I met at an amusement park, and then we reunited while hiking!" Remember that story? ♪
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[ Elan is being a bit cheeky, but it's true. Their relationship isn't exactly platonic - but nor is it romantic, either. It's... a blend of the two and so far they make it work. It helps that Elan doesn't think he could muster up any jealousy. It isn't like they promised one another much of anything. ]
I kinda want to hear your explanation now, just to see what people think about it. Or me.
[ Brat. ]
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Not all of them, no!
[If all friends slept together, that would be a bit... well. Yeah.
Hiyori has no problem with the conversation but it does seem Elan has a cheeky look on his face. Hiyori takes a sip of his tea and then explains, matter-of-factly:]
I don't know what Rinne-senpai or Kanata-kun would think, but I could tell you what Nagisa-kun and Jun-kun thought. Nagisa-kun said your name was unique, and that it means "spirit" or "enthusiasm!" I also told him you like wandering across the country, which might have made him feel a sense of kinship.
[It's not the only thing they have in common. Elan and Nagisa, that is. Nagisa's origins (which may or may not include being a test tube baby, according to a recent Enstars story...) are also shrouded in mystery. And he's someone who took a long time to start "living for himself," too.]
And then Jun-kun thought you were "kinda mysterious," but he was glad you pointed me in the right direction.
[That's something Jun actually said to Elan way back when. It was after Elan said his name was "something he picked up along the way." A very mysterious statement!]
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Well, I'm glad that I made an impression. It's what I strive to do, after all.
[ He leans into Hiyori, snuggling into his shoulder with a grin. ]
Maybe I should try to get to know Nagisa. See if he really does have a bit of kinship.
[ Or something. He's trying to figure this all out, honestly. Or maybe he just wants to see how Hiyori reacts again. ]
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Sure, whyever not? Nagisa-kun's a wonderful person, so I'm sure you're bound to get along. And together, you can talk about all the things you love! Like going on trips, looking at lovely scenery...
[He pauses deliberately. Can Elan guess where he's going with this?]
... and basking in my warmth! ♪
[Cue an obnoxious wink.]
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[ He nudges him with his elbow. ]
Does he doe the same kind of basking I do?
[ Little stinker. ]
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Close! Nagisa-kun and I are like family. Which means we hold hands, share our dreams, spend valuable time together, and accept each other no matter what!
[Do family members typically do all those things...?]
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Awww, so cute. I bet you're adorable together.
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So naturally, he has to get Elan back.]
Yep, we sure are! ♪ You're not jealous, are you? This isn't your way of hiding your pain, is it? If so, don't worry! I like Elan-kun, too! ♪ It's just that family always comes first.
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[ He said, like a liar. ]
I just like knowing where I stand with people.
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Well, there's no need to wonder about that with me. Unlike some people, I'm the type who smiles when I'm happy and frowns when I'm unhappy. There's that, plus I also keep a ranking of who's nearest and dearest to my heart! That way, absolutely everyone knows exactly where they stand~♪
[Don't listen to his lies. He isn't always honest about people's "rank." For example, he likes to tell Jun that he's ranked below Nagisa, but he told Nagisa that he and Jun are equally important to him...]
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[ He's kidding.
But he does want to know. ]
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[He taps on his chin, making a show of thinking about it, before at last he nods.]
... yep, you should be! Right after Nagisa-kun, the rest of my family, the rest of my unit, and Mary! ♪
[Below a dog, in other words... and that would be more than five people altogether.]
Ah, but you're cuter and less venomous than Ibara, so I don't mind moving you up above him.
[He pretends to think about that for a second, then nods cheerfully again.]
Yep, I'll do that! ♪
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[ He lets out a loud, over-dramatic sigh. ]
But at least I have a spot.
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[Elan is a champ for taking that in stride. For all his teasing, Hiyori doesn't want him to feel bad about himself. He wants him to feel good! So he snuggles closer on the couch, musing out loud:]
It's hard to compare, I suppose. You're one of the only people I know who doesn't fall into an easy category, like "family" or "co-worker." You're just Elan-kun! ♪ But I guess if I had to put a name to us, maybe "friend" would do it? And then there's that "benefits" part you mentioned before...
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Just say friend-with-benefits. That's the easiest way to say it.
[ He sighs and puts his chin in his hand, giving him a fond look. ]
That'll cover everything we do together.
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Fine, fine. Until they invent a new word that describes us perfectly, I guess it'll have to do ♪
[And then he sips tea again.]
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We don't have to define it, of course. We can just be whatever we want.
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