It'd be more reassuring if we actually knew the way, but it's something!
And yep, pretty much! If you really want the full list of things that are bothering me, it looks something like this!
1. Stress over what you said 2. Stress over what Jin Mingming said 3. Stress over what Vil-kun said 4. Constant pain and exhaustion, thanks to our connection! 5. Lack of sleep, because me and Jun-kun have a bird who's always chirping!
That's it. But I'd say that's more than enough, wouldn't you?
[And here he'd thought his friend sympathized with his plight. Alas.]
Sorry, I forgot Esikko-kun doesn't have anything like a partner here, so he doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself!
Though I hope you'd spare at least a little concern for your friend who's letting you sleep in his room.
Anyway, I can't control what I dream about. And I didn't know you're a light sleeper because you never said so! If you're that sensitive to disruption, I'm not sure why you suggested this whole thing. I know it's supposedly because of the string, but I think we both know that's not the real reason.
Who says I don't have anything like a partner here? Just because I'm not obtusely refusing to play this forced game doesn't mean that. You don't know anything. My concern for him is none of your business, either.
I don't know what you're trying to say with that last comment, either. Of course it was for the string.
["Who says I don't have anything like a partner here?" --> "My concern for him is none of your business" --> "Him" means the friend he's staying with --> ...]
Oh, so it's that sort of relationship? Congratulations! π₯³π
[So that's why he was asking questions about love that one time. It all comes to together!
As do a lot of other things about Esikko, in his opinion.]
You really expect me to believe that was the whole reason? Not that you wanted someone else to have to walk in your shoes for a change? Walk in your shoes, see how much you've been suffering, offer to share that pain, and show sympathy for you. No interest in any of that, huh?
Huh? But you said you have a partner here! And you got all offended when I implied you might not be worried about your roommate! Which means *that* would be your partner, correct?
And all that other stuff was obvious from the start! The only thing I wasn't sure of was the sympathy part, since I sort of get the feeling it makes you uncomfortable whenever anyone feels bad for you. But that could just mean it's an "I want it, but at the same time, I don't want it!" sort of deal. We nobles have our own pride, so I understand why it's hard to accept things like sympathy.
Actually, I said "Who says I don't have anything like a partner here," which doesn't necessarily mean I have. A partner. You don't need to be speculating on who's close to one, either.
In any case, I don't see why you're going on about any of this when if I did the same to you, you'd deflect and change the subject even more aggressively. Should I admit to my feelings, just for you to say "okay!" and move on like they're nothing?
( Urgh... This talk is making him so nervous he feels nauseous. It's disgusting, it's not like him, it's true, in some ways, and he doesn't want to admit his feelings, doesn't want to be vulnerable in any way that can leave him to be hurt—
Even his anger is struggling to come through with the intense fear of abandonment he has twisting in his gut. )
When it's all you've known, you become used to things like that. It is more difficult sometimes than others.
( He doesn't even know what to say to address, or dodge, the other stuff. Feels sick just trying. So, he leaves it as that. )
Yep, old habits die hard, that's what everyone says! But hopefully your roommate doesn't make you feel like your feelings are nothing.
And hopefully he can help calm your anxieties a bit, too. Don't tell anyone this, but sometimes when I feel anxious, Jun-kun will sing me a lullaby until I feel better. That's the sort of thing partners are good for!
( Ugh. That sounds horrible. The image of Dabi singing him a lullaby earns a laugh out loud, though, despite the anxiety inducing feelings surrounding everything. He scrubs his face before he replies. )
No one has ever sung me a lullaby, and I'd hardly want it now.
I only have so much time left. In the end, my feelings are nothing. I don't care about that.
( Yes he does. )
I suppose I'm happy for you, though. It must be nice to have the support. Has he helped you through this? If I've made you grow a little closer, I deserve some credit, you know.
[Ugh, what a downer. Even though he could swear he felt something like amusement coming from Esikko just now.]
We were already close without your help, thanks! And I can tell you he doesn't see things that way.
[Jun was very mad when he first saw the state that Hiyori was in. Even though Hiyori did admit that he agreed to the whole feelings connection thing. Jun's never had a positive reaction to anything he told him about Esikko, come to think of it. In fact, when Hiyori told him that someone here witnessed a murder but couldn't say who did it, he was all, "You know that sounds hella suspicious, right?" As though Esikko-kun did it himself! Which, wellβHiyori can't blame him, since even he wouldn't believe someone could be such a misfortune magnet if he hadn't met Esikko for himself and heard (parts of) his tragic life story!
But anyway.]
But going back to what you said about "not having much time left" - are you sure about that? I mean, I know why you'd feel that way, since living with your illness is just awful. But this place can bring people back from the dead, according to you. And there are all sorts of people with healing magic here.
[What does that first thing mean? What does the second thing mean? What does any of this mean?]
I wasn't saying you should die and get revived.
[But, well. Maybe the clinic could heal him somehow? Even though Hiyori would not want to trust the medical staff here himself...]
What about your wish? I'm still not convinced that whole thing isn't a scam, but you are playing that 52 game, right? And you don't seem too keen on using your wish to go home. Maybe you can ask them to cure you!
[He means he was cursed by God metaphorically... right?]
Well, you *do* seem pretty cursed here, so I guess not.
But you also sound like you have a plan. So, that's good. Do whatever you need to do, I guess.
[Then, after a pause:]
By the way, I have a question about this connection thing! Did you ever figure out how compatible our souls are? You must have an answer by now, right?
It's not quantifiable, but... If we were incompatible, the link wouldn't have worked so well at all. For it to last this long, too, has implications of similarities at some level.
( Haha. So Hiyori doesn't want to admit he's like him, huh? Esikko can't even blame him for that. But he is annoyed, anyway. )
Are you so sure about that? Well, but the magic doesn't spell it out for me, so perhaps you should sit down and think about it for a while if you're so curious.
Pretty much! We're both nobles and we both like flowers, but otherwise we seem like polar opposites.
β¨βοΈβ¨πβ¨πβ¨πΆβ¨π»β¨
^ My personality is like that, but yours isn't the same at all! You're more of a π, π«οΈ and π¦οΈ type!
And then instead of a sunflower, you'd probably be something like a rose with a thorn on a stem. I guess I might be rose-like in some ways too, though. I *am* beautiful like one.
All the sparkles are literal, by the way. Recently I found out what my soul looked like. It was sparkly like that!
You're certainly not wrong that we're opposites in certain ways. I believe that's called a foil.
If we're choosing flowers, I'd much prefer to be loosestrife. However, I do enjoy them all in their own ways, so I'll take that, thorn and all, as a compliment.
Is that what you'd call it? Better foils than enemies, I guess!
Loosestrife, huh? That sounds nice. As long as you don't mean the purple kind. Then it's an invasive species!
And it was Weiss-chan who taught me how to bear my soul like that. She said it's called an Aura, but it sounds like the same thing as a soul. The good news is that when it's active, it can warm you right up like a blanket! Which is a wonderful help while I'm dealing with this emotional link thing! I can't always get it to work properly, though. She said you need to have a "calm mind" for it to work.
I do feel calm right now, though, so perhaps it'd be best just to show you. If you share it with someone else, it can warm them up, too! And we still have that "Hearts task" left to do, don't we? The one you were so keen on doing with me last time!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Of course. It's just reassuring to know that if it were to happen, there's a way to bring him back. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Is that all that's been bothering you? You were upset before. Some time ago. I thought it best to leave you be.
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And yep, pretty much! If you really want the full list of things that are bothering me, it looks something like this!
1. Stress over what you said
2. Stress over what Jin Mingming said
3. Stress over what Vil-kun said
4. Constant pain and exhaustion, thanks to our connection!
5. Lack of sleep, because me and Jun-kun have a bird who's always chirping!
That's it. But I'd say that's more than enough, wouldn't you?
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Did you know that I can't fall asleep once I've been woken for the night?
( like, say, for example... by crying fits?? )
Do you realize how selfish your complaints sound?
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Sorry, I forgot Esikko-kun doesn't have anything like a partner here, so he doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself!
Though I hope you'd spare at least a little concern for your friend who's letting you sleep in his room.
Anyway, I can't control what I dream about. And I didn't know you're a light sleeper because you never said so! If you're that sensitive to disruption, I'm not sure why you suggested this whole thing. I know it's supposedly because of the string, but I think we both know that's not the real reason.
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Who says I don't have anything like a partner here? Just because I'm not obtusely refusing to play this forced game doesn't mean that. You don't know anything. My concern for him is none of your business, either.
I don't know what you're trying to say with that last comment, either. Of course it was for the string.
1/2
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[So that's why he was asking questions about love that one time. It all comes to together!
As do a lot of other things about Esikko, in his opinion.]
You really expect me to believe that was the whole reason? Not that you wanted someone else to have to walk in your shoes for a change? Walk in your shoes, see how much you've been suffering, offer to share that pain, and show sympathy for you. No interest in any of that, huh?
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There is nothing to congratulate, stop that. Stop assuming things.
( Is he ignoring the direct call out, too? Yes. )
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And all that other stuff was obvious from the start! The only thing I wasn't sure of was the sympathy part, since I sort of get the feeling it makes you uncomfortable whenever anyone feels bad for you. But that could just mean it's an "I want it, but at the same time, I don't want it!" sort of deal. We nobles have our own pride, so I understand why it's hard to accept things like sympathy.
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In any case, I don't see why you're going on about any of this when if I did the same to you, you'd deflect and change the subject even more aggressively. Should I admit to my feelings, just for you to say "okay!" and move on like they're nothing?
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[Is he being obnoxious on purpose at this point? Yes he is! Next question!]
When did I say they're nothing? You just love to assume the worst! Not that I can blame you, what with everything you've got going on.
Anyway, I just told you some of my feelings, didn't I? I didn't change any subjects! We can talk about both our feelings! ππ©· Both our partners!
Or we can just stop here, I guess. It's hard to type on this thing when my fingers always feel numb. I'm not sure how you do it.
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Even his anger is struggling to come through with the intense fear of abandonment he has twisting in his gut. )
When it's all you've known, you become used to things like that. It is more difficult sometimes than others.
( He doesn't even know what to say to address, or dodge, the other stuff. Feels sick just trying. So, he leaves it as that. )
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And hopefully he can help calm your anxieties a bit, too. Don't tell anyone this, but sometimes when I feel anxious, Jun-kun will sing me a lullaby until I feel better. That's the sort of thing partners are good for!
[He's just bragging now...]
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No one has ever sung me a lullaby, and I'd hardly want it now.
I only have so much time left. In the end, my feelings are nothing. I don't care about that.
( Yes he does. )
I suppose I'm happy for you, though. It must be nice to have the support. Has he helped you through this? If I've made you grow a little closer, I deserve some credit, you know.
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We were already close without your help, thanks! And I can tell you he doesn't see things that way.
[Jun was very mad when he first saw the state that Hiyori was in. Even though Hiyori did admit that he agreed to the whole feelings connection thing. Jun's never had a positive reaction to anything he told him about Esikko, come to think of it. In fact, when Hiyori told him that someone here witnessed a murder but couldn't say who did it, he was all, "You know that sounds hella suspicious, right?" As though Esikko-kun did it himself! Which, wellβHiyori can't blame him, since even he wouldn't believe someone could be such a misfortune magnet if he hadn't met Esikko for himself and heard (parts of) his tragic life story!
But anyway.]
But going back to what you said about "not having much time left" - are you sure about that? I mean, I know why you'd feel that way, since living with your illness is just awful. But this place can bring people back from the dead, according to you. And there are all sorts of people with healing magic here.
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My body can only take so much, and I've become well aware of its limits.
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I wasn't saying you should die and get revived.
[But, well. Maybe the clinic could heal him somehow? Even though Hiyori would not want to trust the medical staff here himself...]
What about your wish? I'm still not convinced that whole thing isn't a scam, but you are playing that 52 game, right? And you don't seem too keen on using your wish to go home. Maybe you can ask them to cure you!
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Do you think the House can stand against the gods cursing me? I'm not so certain. I'll carve my own way out, to wherever I do want to go.
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Well, you *do* seem pretty cursed here, so I guess not.
But you also sound like you have a plan. So, that's good. Do whatever you need to do, I guess.
[Then, after a pause:]
By the way, I have a question about this connection thing! Did you ever figure out how compatible our souls are? You must have an answer by now, right?
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It's not quantifiable, but... If we were incompatible, the link wouldn't have worked so well at all. For it to last this long, too, has implications of similarities at some level.
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[Keep telling yourself that, buddy.]
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Are you so sure about that? Well, but the magic doesn't spell it out for me, so perhaps you should sit down and think about it for a while if you're so curious.
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β¨βοΈβ¨πβ¨πβ¨πΆβ¨π»β¨
^ My personality is like that, but yours isn't the same at all! You're more of a π, π«οΈ and π¦οΈ type!
And then instead of a sunflower, you'd probably be something like a rose with a thorn on a stem. I guess I might be rose-like in some ways too, though. I *am* beautiful like one.
All the sparkles are literal, by the way. Recently I found out what my soul looked like. It was sparkly like that!
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If we're choosing flowers, I'd much prefer to be loosestrife. However, I do enjoy them all in their own ways, so I'll take that, thorn and all, as a compliment.
Who is it that can see your soul in that way?
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Loosestrife, huh? That sounds nice. As long as you don't mean the purple kind. Then it's an invasive species!
And it was Weiss-chan who taught me how to bear my soul like that. She said it's called an Aura, but it sounds like the same thing as a soul. The good news is that when it's active, it can warm you right up like a blanket! Which is a wonderful help while I'm dealing with this emotional link thing! I can't always get it to work properly, though. She said you need to have a "calm mind" for it to work.
I do feel calm right now, though, so perhaps it'd be best just to show you. If you share it with someone else, it can warm them up, too! And we still have that "Hearts task" left to do, don't we? The one you were so keen on doing with me last time!
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