[Over a week since that shitty day. Since he was dragged back from a brink. Since he realized in stark light just how much shit didn't matter in this place. And the dangers of letting things matter far too much. He's had his time to recover, to say what he needed to the people who had to hear him, to get his own damn self back in order. Nothing is "fine", nothing has returned to "all right". A life of a hero is often not a gain, but rather scrambling back to the status quo after falling beneath it. Albeit a moving, improving status quo. He's not sure he'll reach that status quo-- a net zero instead of a negative --for a while. Even if he says he's there.
But heroes often say things that aren't true on the surface. Why? Because what hero willingly brings despair? Even as smoke rage around them, building structures collapses, rubble makes the air choke, and blood flows, a hero still looks at the child in his arms and says "It's all right. Because I am here." What else can he do but move forward.
Bakugo's steps pause, one foot half-leaving the floor as he turns his head over his shoulder, red eyes narrowed at the idol behind him. They're stopping because why? He glances at the flowers in Hiyori's vase.]
They're from you, Parrot. I'm not giving him your gift. [He understands this is also difficult for Hiyori. After what he learned of Esikko, how he feels about the man, an understandable sense of betrayal, disgust, surprise, and confusion. He doesn't begrudge him or question the idol's feelings. And yet, this was Hiyori's idea. He's not gonna let him back out now.] You're stronger than that.
[Of course Bakugo's not having any of this. That's what he expected. So why ask?
Just to stall for time, honestly. But he knows there's no point, and those last words at least sound heartening enough that he manages a small smile. When Bakugo puts it like that, it almost sounds like he believes in him.]
Right, right. Of course you won't, and of course I am.
[He's not moving yet, though. While they're still paused outside the door, he adds one more thing.]
This is a "get well soon" visit, so I'll try to avoid any arguments. Though that also depends on him, of course. You shouldn't have to mediate between us, but I'm sorry if the vibe is unpleasant. We haven't gotten along in a while, so...
[The last time they spoke, they just bickered. Though at least that interaction wasn't as nasty as some of the other ones they've had. It all probably begs the question of why he's here, but he's always been like this: hard to get along with, and good at ticking people off. Yet he always cares anyway, even when he's mad at someone, even when they're mad at him. And he never really stopped caring about Esikko.]
Anyway, you know where his bed is, so you can go in first.
[He turns toward the doors again, gripping the vase with more resolve.]
[Fucking pussy. Bakugo's not taking the onus from him. Hiyori's idea to call him here, Hiyori's idea to go see Esikko together, Hiyori's idea to get flowers. So Hiyori's gonna deliver those things whether he's pissing himself inside or not. All that grouchy retort balled up and not said behind the brusque ones he did.]
Then don't waste my time asking.
[Hiyori isn't moving and Bakugo's not gonna move for him. He already met with Esikko. He met with everyone he interacted with that day and spewed his filth all over. Forced himself to face his own razors amid bitter burns, knowing he couldn't move forward without slicing himself open on through that hellish doorway all over again. Hiyori's gonna have to face his own demons.]
If you two start bitching, I'll put you both through the fucking wall.
[Somehow his usual threat lacks the head and assurance he normally backs them with. So much still isn't right. So much remains damaged. But just cause it's damaged doesn't mean he can't use it and force the damn thing to move. One step at a time. Even if that steps is knocking two people's heads through the drywall.]
Hmph.
[Sneak. But he shoulders Broken Wing's doors open. If the people at the front desk tense up at the sight of him, there an almost-reason. He says nothing to them, only leans forward and stalks to the back double doors, hands in his pockets and eyes focused ahead like glowing coals. Ever since that day, Bakugo's hated the very sight of the resort staff.]
[His own difficulty facing Esikko is nothing compared to Bakugo's. That much is clear, even though he still thinks Bakugo wasn't at fault for what happened. It doesn't matter what he thinks: he's not the one who saw it, or the one who tried to stop it and found that it was too late. So it's no wonder, really, that Bakugo doesn't want to stand around humoring his feelings. He won't take the grumpy attitude personally.
Though as usual, he doesn't appreciate threats.]
That'll put us both in the hospital, so don't, please!
[Not that he really believes Bakugo would make good on his threat. As usual.
But boy, is his mood ever dour. If looks could kill, he'd be obliterating everything in their path through the clinic. Will it really be alright like this? With Bakugo still furious over everything, and him still unsure how he feels about the person they've come to visit?
It'll have to be. This was his idea, they're here, and there's no turning back. He follows Bakugo through the reception area and then through the double doors, still with the pink flowers held to his chest, casting his eyes around for an equally pink head.]
( At this point, Esikko assumes he won't get anymore visitors. Bakugo had come to see him, of course, and he'd managed to take a small walk with Ivan only to return, but it felt so little. It felt like his fault, that someone like Dabi would rather isolate than come to see him. Felt like his fault that every other bridge, like Hiyori's, had been burned by the stubborn defensive pride that made him yell rather than properly explain himself. So he's been stuck here, in his own sort of self loathing, trying to shake himself free of it, if only because at least one or two people cared.
So when they enter, he doesn't notice. Mistakes their feet and movement for the ones of the nurses who keep trying to insist he needs to be fully bandaged, or the ones who keep reminding him his debt is going up. He's just scrolling on his phone, waiting for messages that don't come, too miserable to send his own, dark circles beneath his eyes from the lack of sleep he's managed. He doesn't look up until something catches in his peripheral. Blonde? Bakugo?
His head lifts up, an obviously hopeful and cheery glance pointing straight over to the explosive hero, but as soon as he notices who's standing there with him, that expression wipes clean off. It's not distaste that replaces it, this time, but something far more wide-eyed. Surprise, genuine, combined with something like fear, and a trace of hope.
His arms lower slowly back to his lap as his eyes waver between the two. )
[This meeting has nothing on the previous one. He's at least given his apology and had his talk. First steps taken. But the rest of his walk is on him and him alone. Whether he stumbles, bleeds, breaks, blots, he's responsible for how he moves ahead. He can't put the burden of his own weakness on other people. Especially not the people he cares about.
Hiyori's little protest gets nothing out of him, though he seems to ease only slightly once they're through the doors and no longer have the damn staff staring at him like they're moments away from calling security. Best they don't. Bakugo has extremely little patience for dealing with the fucking resort right now. He's not so far from that day he wouldn't willingly "have a flashback" just to wreck them in pure spiteful revenge.
The hotel really put a stain on him and it's not rubbing out any time soon. A villainous hero, people used to call him. Even the fucking media questioned whether he was a hero or a villain because of his attitude, temper, and power. He knew the answer at home. He knows the answer even here. But that answer isn't gleaming gold as purely anymore. Now it's personal.
Doesn't take any time at all to find Esikko's room; he memorized the way on his first trip. One hand on the door, he pushes it open, stepping in ahead of Hiyori and then moving to the side to let him follow. Wind brushes their backs as the panel swings shut and he moves to the wall across from the foot of Esikko's bed. His back hits the wall with a soft thud, hands in his pockets, and heel propped to the baseboard like a proper delinquent.
Hmph. Esikko looks somehow a little worse than the last time he saw him. Lack of sleep, out of his element, a plant without proper sunlight and water. How long are they gonna keep in him this fucking place?]
What's it look like? [He'll let Hiyori answer for himself.] You need some plants in here too.
[He would've brought one of Esikko's, but concerned the hotel staff would get rid of it for whatever reason once they were gone, he opted to leave it safely in his room for now.]
[There's the right bed. Bakugo leads him right to it, to Esikko, who looks first at Bakugo and then at him, smile fading as he does. Their eyes lock, and something squirms in Hiyori's stomach. Guilt? No, that's ridiculous—he has nothing to feel guilty about. And it's not fear. There's nothing to be afraid of right now, either. It's just...
He's worried. For Esikko, who's in bad shape as expected, though at least he isn't sporting visible strangulation marks like last time. And he's nervous for himself, too. That he'll be told he doesn't belong here; that he'll only make things worse somehow. Can he convincingly argue he does belong? Esikko asks what he's doing here, and it doesn't sound accusatory, but it is a valid question.
There's nowhere to hide from it. Bakugo's already moved aside, leaving him and the flowers visible. He expected to be asked that question, and he has an answer he's rehearsed. Something about their connection told him something was wrong again, how anyone would be worried in his shoes, how he's here to check up on him. He does have a heart, after all.
But then Bakugo replies first, saying simply "What's it look like?" and that Esikko's room needs plants. And just like that, some of the tension he was feeling evaporates. He's silent for a moment longer, and then:]
... right, what he said!
[He speaks up finally, with a burst of energy. Never mind what he was going to say about himself and the sensory link; they're here for a purpose, as Bakugo just reminded him. So, he'll skip talking about his feelings and talk about that!]
This is a "get well soon" gift. [He holds the flowers out from his chest.] Esikko-kun already knows all about flower language, so I don't need to explain what orchids mean. But as for their color, that's less about symbolism and more because you like pink things. Pink is your color, right? You said it feels personal when someone else wears it, so it must be true!
[He projects his voice loud and clear, gaining confidence as he goes, rambling a bit, but at least it's better than being tongue-tied.]
Now the question is, where should I put these? This place is a bit more cramped than I thought, so... er...
[Conveniently, his words gave him an excuse to look around instead of at Esikko for a moment. (Thanks to a certain someone who always had his own sizable private hospital room, Hiyori's standards about what's cramped and what's not might be a bit warped.)]
( All at once, he feels overwhelmed. It's a calm scene, the two of them entering, Hiyori rambling about the flowers. Of course he knows what orchids mean, of course he knows all about flower language. The fact that Hiyori went out of his way to not only follow that, but to get him something? A get well soon gift? )
I thought...
( His voice trails and strains, confusion creasing his face as he tries to make sense of it. He thought Hiyori wanted him dead. He thought he'd be happy, seeing him deal with all of this. That he'd feel justified, that he'd think it was something deserved, maybe, or even not enough. But as his eyes flick between Hiyori, who's busy trying to find a spot in this "cramped" room, and Bakugo, who looks to be stiffly waiting this out, he realizes that it would have been far too easy for Hiyori to simply ignore him coming back. To move on, to say nothing, to isolate.
His eyes are stinging before he realizes it, a hand distantly reaching up to touch at his cheek, still dry for the moment but quickly losing the chance of that. Why is Bakugo here? It clearly wasn't his idea. Was Hiyori just wanting someone there in case things turned out poorly?
Something twists in his gut, painful and upsetting, and his head ducks a little further into his own palm. I thought you'd be happy I was dead. The words die on his tongue, and tension shakes a little at his shoulders as he tries to hold back his tears, and fails. )
I'm— sorry, Hiyori. For everything. I don't— ( His voice is strained, cracking a little, struggling. He doesn't know what to say, barely knows what to feel, but it hurts? But it's like relief, too. He doesn't deserve these flowers, does he? That's how it feels. But he wants to accept them so badly, he wants things to be okay. )
[Let these two have their moment together. Bakugo's well aware of Hiyori's misgivings and frustrations. He knows what Esikko's done as well. Neither of those things are his business between the other two. He's not some damn proctor of a pair's potential squabbling. Even if he's willing to step in should things get heated. People might not get along in the resort, but they're gonna end up being forced together at some point. A real shit reality, huh.
Oy, don't take his answer and treat it like your own, Parrot! You've got your own shit to say. Esikko's asking stupid questions too. Why the hell would anyone show up here if they didn't intend to show up? Fuck, everything's so irritating right now and he can't shake the damn feeling. Red eyes focus on the flowers, picking through colors and gentle petals before Esikko's current state threatens to set him off again on the hospital.
Hmph. Hiyori really is a burst of energy no matter what this shithole does. It's stupid and admirable. ...haa? What's all this about pink being personal? It's a damn color! These two really do have matching weirdness.
Esikko trails off on a potential deflection and Bakugo narrows his eyes at the prince. Just fucking drop it. Whatever he's got budding on his tongue, whatever he thinks he might wanna say, or thinks Hiyori would've wanted, said, or thought. An olive branch, an extended hand, neither of which need to have doubt and protest brought up to proverbially slap it away. Someone who's worried about being alone shouldn't be throwing up the defense towards someone obviously offering to make amends. Start over.
You don't have to like everything about a person to give a shit about them.
Finally an apology. One probably a long time in coming. Painful relief, words finally coming to light even if it hurts. He knows the feeling all too well. Esikko doesn't know what to say, but he just said the one thing he needed to start with.]
[Actually, Bakugo is here for insurance in case Dabi decides to visit at the same time as him, since the guy vaguely threatened to beat him up over the Network. But close enough!
Now that he's explained the purpose of this visit (just a "get well soon" visit, no big deal!), he looks for a place to put the flowers. Let's see, there's no room over in this corner. Maybe over there? Yep, over there seems good! He'll just go over ther—
... that's Esikko getting choked up, isn't it?
He stiffens, before slowly turning back towards the bed. Sure enough, Esikko is sitting there shocked, and those look like tears forming in his eyes. Then he says sorry. Hiyori's eyebrows raise, then knot together, mimicking the knot that forms in his chest. His lips purse—he didn't come here to make Esikko feel bad, to apologize for dying.]
Why...
[Then he stops. Esikko, he realizes, isn't sorry for dying; he's sorry for "everything." Everything, meaning the earlier stuff. That's different from what he said before. Isn't it? He'd seemed so unapologetic at first that it galled him, made him even angrier. But now...
He goes quiet again. He stands a few feet from the bed, clutching the vase tightly. It's tense, and everything about this hurts, and he can't cut through the clouds with sunshine the way he normally does. Bakugo's silent, Esikko's crying, and he doesn't know what to say. But right as he's thinking that, Esikko says the same about himself—and that makes him smile.
Almost. It's more of a lip twitch. But he does find some more words, slowly.]
Well... you could just say "thank you." Assuming you do want these flowers.
[Suddenly he remembers their last visit: how Esikko gave him the vial, how he tried to give it back. That wasn't the same as this, and he's sure he doesn't feel the same way Esikko felt then... but it's similar, isn't it?]
( It's with a firm sniffle and one last wipe of his face that Esikko lifts his chin into those words. His eyes, reddened from tears with horrible dark circles, are rough around the edges right now— but there, in the color of them, and in the slight waver they give when looking at Hiyori, they look with the same hopefulness that his painting child self had. A familiar stare, for however short it lasts.
Because his eyes dart away shamefully just as quickly, embarrassed, afraid, worried that he's going to mess it up just as quickly. They keep flicking back to Bakugo, like he's some pillar of reassurance despite how terrible his mood seems to be. A part of himself is trying not to embarrass himself too much in front of him, especially, though he doesn't consciously think about it.
He just feels like a mess. He looks like a mess, too, he's sure. The blonde of his roots is beginning to show, his pink is a little faded compared to its usual, he's got all the signs of exhaustion and lack of sleep, and his skin looks a little dry. And maybe he just is a mess? It's hard, to feel like people are here to visit him for his sake, when he also feels like he's done nothing to earn it. When he's learned from the world time and time again that he has to earn things to get them, or take them, or fight for them, that nothing comes easy. That the people who offer things like kindness forward too soon are either too kind to their own detriment, or masking some other need or want behind the actions (like Kirma).
In this intense moment of emotion, that bond of theirs might flicker alive, like a barely lit flame stoking again. Hiyori might be able to feel his nervousness, his guilt, his overwhelming fear as he tries his hardest to compose himself. Eventually, Esikko lifts his hands to reach for those flowers, wanting to hold them himself. )
I... ( How does he say this? He falters, eyes darting back to Hiyori, and then down to the flowers, to focus on them instead. No use saying what he thinks he does or doesn't deserve, what he is or isn't worth. He's realizing, slowly, trying to hammer it into his own mind, that it's not for him to decide. So he changes his direction, looking at Bakugo again in between his words to Hiyori. ) Could you ever... think of me as a friend, again?
[Tch, this is like watching one of those stupid chick flicks he's been forced to view every now and then by his mother or the girls in his dorm when they managed to wrangle him into pieces parts. And yet, he's not leaving the room or trying to interrupt it. Hiyori and Esikko used to be friends. Close enough to trade things for help, relying on each other for friendship and comfort. He knows just how painful it can be for something like that to be torn apart. Lingering regrets on both sides, a wondering glance thrown towards the dangling pieces of a broken bridge hanging in the breeze with a chasm yawning wide between.
Not his place or business to determine which of them is the responsible party for the rift. He's heard both sides and isn't taking either. This is for Hiyori and Esikko to get out of their system. An extended offer, an apology, an acceptance. This fucking place is as quick to rip the bonds apart as much as it is to force more to forge.
Is this is strength or idiocy? Knowing just how strong a friendship or caring can make someone. Knowing just how great a weakness the same friendship or caring can be. Which is the right choice? To live life with warm hooks driven into your heart, each one reaching out to person after person despite the pain and pleasure each time those cords move. To live life alone and safe behind walls, heart whole and cold with nothing capable of hurting it, nothing capable of helping it. Golden Peacock is a hellhole to find an answer in.
Apparently Hiyori and Esikko reached their own answer between them. Right or wrong. Smart or dumb. No fucking clue anymore. But he didn't come here to find an answer for himself. Seeing the two in front of him picking one route over the other is a quiet drop in his chest. A gentle cool as much as a soft warmth. Nothing shows on his face, set in his normal scowl, as his mind continues turning everything that's happened over and over. He's made several over the past few days. Regret? Hardly. Acceptance? Yeah. A long time ago, Hiyori made it painfully clear to him: no one is getting out of this place alone...
Sorry, Esikko. He's not much of a pillar today. Unless you wanna count a shadowed pillar covered in grease at a distance a reassurance. It's got nothing to do with the prince or the idol, and everything to do with loathing towards the cage around them. But he's here, if only for his presence to be helpful. At least Hiyori and Esikko can focus on the flowers instead of the bomb fizzling on the wall. Focus on their own friendship.]
[So many feelings. For a prickly boy like Bakugo, this must be hell to witness. Though it's not as though Hiyori is comfortable here, either. Seeing Esikko cry pulls at his heartstrings, especially when he's looked at with those eyes. That gaze reminds him of someone. But who?
... ah. Now he remembers.
And now he realizes. Esikko, who didn't know what "friends" were and wasn't shown proper love growing up, is still that child in some ways.
Something warm sparks inside him. The source isn't himself, but Esikko. It's easier than ever to tell whose emotions are whose, after being unable to feel their connection at all for a week. He'd wanted so badly to be rid of it when it was first introduced, and again later when he learned what Esikko had done here. Even now, it brings him secondhand pain and a whole lot of worry. So why does he feel something almost like relief, as it breathes with new life?
Because it's proof he's not alone, when he feels more lonely than he ever did at home. And it's proof, perhaps, that the bonds between people can be mended, however tattered and broken they are.
Though the mending is a work in progress. Esikko seems to be reaching for the flowers, so Hiyori moves closer and hands them off: the small vase passed over, the orchids healthy and sweet-smelling. Then, he asks if he could still see him as a friend. And Hiyori, still almost-but-not-quite able to smile, looks at him and... hesitates.]
Well...
[His voice wavers. He has had time to think about this. But he needs a moment still.
Esikko did horrible things here. Those things are in the past. That doesn't make them any less horrible, but it's not Hiyori's place to punish him. And that last bad thing Esikko did—taking someone's memories temporarily—he already got punished for. A horrible punishment no one should have to suffer. That cycle of vengeance is the problem here, isn't it?
But Hiyori's already thought about all that. His hesitancy has another source: it's the same reason his stomach squirms, the same thing makes it hard to look at Esikko while he cries. He doesn't feel bad about what he said during the Truth or Dare game; anyone would have reacted the same way. But the squabbles they've gotten in since, well... Esikko didn't always start those. Or hit below the belt as often and as readily as he did. When he thinks about that, his Spades suit, and how atrociously Bakugo behaved recently during his suit flare... well.]
That depends on you too, you know.
[He says after a minute, in a forced-casual tone.]
I'm pretty sure you said I'm annoying. Though you're not the only one. For some reason, I get that surprisingly a lot!
["""""Surprisingly.""""]
And I might have said some cruel things to you before. Plus I have that nasty Spades suit to deal with. So I don't know if you still want to be friends, given all that.
[A pause. Then he adds:]
Though now that I think of it, the first person I ever saw as a friend was someone I just fought with all the time, so I guess it could be worse.
( Hiyori starts with "that depends," and Esikko's face twists a little like he's in pain, like he's prepping for some harsh rejection. He dips his head to cover it, to bury his face into these flowers, instead. Even the smell of them is soothing.
Eventually, as he's listening, he stretches to the side to make room for the vase on his bedside table. Other useless items are just in the way, from the nurses going on about how he should find romance or get laid and that would speed things up so much! Or whatever nonsense... But the flowers look nicer there, and after one final touch to the base of that vase, he withdraws his hand and sits more normally. )
You are annoying.
( It's the first thing he mumbles, a little petulant in response to how Hiyori answered all of that. ) Like... all of that, for example. Would it have killed you to say something like "Yes, if you meet me halfway?" You said you wanted me dead, you know, and with the intensity you delivered it, what else was I supposed to think?
( But despite his arguing, here, and despite the way his voice gains some more life into it, less strained from tears— he's not furious, he's not shaking with anger, he's just understandably tired, and a little desperate. )
If I didn't want to be friends, I'd block you and tell you to leave. I wouldn't warn you about those brothers, or tell you to pretend not to know me, or give you those potions, or sit here listening to you think you're not as annoying as you are. And if you'd truly like to be friends with me, then you'll just have to deal with me pointing it out.
I'd only expect the same in return, you know. ( Again, though he'd been focused on Hiyori during his words, his gaze slides back to Bakugo, noticeably worried about him. So, after a moment's hesitation: ) Bakugo is bluntly honest with me too, after all, and we're still close. Right?
( Obviously, because he's blunt with anyone. But, he mostly wants to hear his voice, to make sure he's not too lost in his own thoughts, over there. )
[He's seen worse chick flicks. This at least has the benefit of him watching two people he's close to make up. While he's very aware of Hiyori's issues with Esikko, he's not heard much from the prince about the idol. Frankly, he doesn't really care what their beef is with each other so long as it doesn't come to blows or threats and force him into the middle. He's not some goddamn mediator or peacemaker. Though apparently bodyguard and officiator counts, since he's here doing both at the same time.
Sucky part is, this place doesn't always give people the luxury of keeping themselves away from someone they don't like. Forced together, pushed to interact, made to grow close in attempts to build bonds, their memories and feelings are stripped out and laid bare in front of each other. As if some sick notion of lacking privacy will inherently foster closer connections. Bullshit. Yet people have to get along despite disagreements and not liking each other. Bakugo's close to two people here he never would've given the time of day back in his own world. Fucked up, isn't it. But...
Anything broken can be mended in some fashion. Maybe it won't work like it did, maybe it won't look the same, maybe it won't act or sound like it had before. But if someone's willing to put in the effort to help bring back together all those pieces, something worthwhile exists there for them. No one's going to waste their resources on something they don't care about.]
Tch. [Esikko asks if they can be friends and Hiyori dumps the question back on him. Bakugo's shoulders sag in exasperation, expression screwing up in annoyance. HE ASKED YOU THE QUESTION, DAMN PARROT!! ANSWER IT!! Doesn't matter what the fuck Esikko says or does, the question is whether Hiyori can! ... Some people think friendship runs on caveats, but Bakugo's seen someone doggedly hold onto a friendship another person furiously decried, hated, and wished would vanish in the blazes of hell. Yet no matter what he did to Midoriya, the other boy refused to give up on their past friendship. He trusted that one day, he could regain the friendship Bakugo furiously tore apart and threw aside. Friendship doesn't always run on caveats.]
Cause you are fucking annoying... [Muttered under his breath. Who the fuck's gonna say Hiyori's not annoying? Unless they're the kind of annoying person. At least the idol admits he said his own shit in the past. He closes his mouth and narrows his eyes, Spade suit topic digging into sore spots even unintentionally. Nothing he needs to weigh them down with.
Good to know Esikko isn't afraid to speak his mind despite all that happened to him. Bakugo hated his "smart idea" of letting himself be perceived as a spineless weakling to protect them. Hiyori could've shortened all his words into a simple comment, but Parrot always has to ramble. He's groused at him a lot for running his mouth so much too. Back to the two of them bickering, bringing up old pains and words said. Telling someone to die... He knows just how horrible it is to wish such a thing on someone. Another reason is memories of how callous he'd been towards Esikko's dying breaths rakes his lungs raw and makes his skin crawl across his muscles.
And there goes Esikko, running his own mouth as bad as Hiyori. Would it have killed him to summarize all his protesting evidence into a similar short answer? These two really are way too damn similar sometimes. No wonder they fight despite being easy friend material. Guess in a way it's refreshing to hear them bicker. Usually means two people are close if they can clash without going their separate ways in a huff forever. Esikko looks at him with clear concern and worry in his eyes. What? He's fine. If he didn't want to show up here, he would've told Hiyori to go at it on his own. More searching, more pestering because the prince has a big heart and he isn't gonna stop looking at him until he gets a response, is he. So annoying, the both of them.]
Tch. You two talk way too much. [Bluntly honest. He leans back more fully to the wall, head resting on the surface rather than ducked towards his chest. Well, he was lost in his thoughts, even if they were all stemming from the conversation and patch up was listening to.] If you two wanna be friends, then decide for yourselves rather than basing it off each other. Friendship with strings and requirements is nothing more than a contract.
[Friends, true friends, know each other well enough to realize what hurts, upsets, helps, and supports each other. Sometimes that requires sacrificing what you want to do for the sake of your friend's benefit. Putting their needs and feelings in front of your own. Accepting things won't always be nice and shiny. Pain happens, life sucks, mistakes made. But if both people approach with the same understanding, they'll make it through. Hiyori and Esikko have to decide for themselves if they're willing to do that for each other. That decision isn't something they can base off "I will if you will" bullshit.
[He came here half-expecting to be met with suspicion and hostility, the way he was during his first visit, so Esikko getting a bit exasperated and Bakugo Tch-ing in his direction shouldn't bother him too much. Still, he puffs up a bit and mutters,]
Or in jail. You forgot the "jail" part.
[Alright, so maybe he feels a bit guilty now, in light of what just happened. But if there's anything he really feels bad about saying, it's probably what he said about Esikko disappearing. "Not that anyone would notice." He knows how cruel it was, as someone who worries every day about him or Jun disappearing next. Knows, too, that Esikko wants to be remembered and is afraid no one will care if he dies. And it was factually wrong, too, of course. Whatever he said or whatever Esikko may have believed, he'd be missed if he was gone. By Bakugo, by whoever Dabi is... by Hiyori, too, or else he wouldn't be here.
It is pretty funny when Esikko asks Bakugo if they're close and Bakugo doesn't confirm, though. One thing sure hasn't changed: that kid is never forthcoming about his feelings, and he won't say mushy stuff about being "close" to people. And yet it's obvious anyway, isn't it? They are close, or he wouldn't be here, either.]
You're not wrong there. Something like a "friendship contract" sounds too stuffy, so I'll pass!
[He looks at Bakugo, lips quirked, opting not to make a fuss about his attitude or about calling him annoying, since he's been through a lot.
But then, so has Esikko. So.
Hiyori looks back at him, now, hunched over the flowers. He crossed his arms, curls his fingers into his sleeve, and tries to muster some up courage.]
But "meeting halfway" sounds fine, I suppose. It's the same for me, too, after all. We've already been through a lot. This connection thing doesn't seem like it'll ever go away. And it's hard to find people who share my tastes, or have basically anything in common with me.
[Tea, flowers, being a rich bitch—]
If I didn't see you as a friend, I wouldn't have sent all those people your way. Like Leo-kun and Loki-kun. I wouldn't have written you that heartfelt goodbye note, which you haven't seen since I haven't disappeared yet. And I wouldn't still worry about you, either. At least not as much as I have been, so...
[Another pause, and then he shrugs, managing a real smile this time.]
( Decide for yourselves, he says, while stubbornly declining to confirm their closeness! ...But he knows. He knows, of course he does, and that's why he called for them, why he'll continue to, if trouble arises. His fingers brush over the petals of a few of the flowers now resting on the counter near the bed, and his cheeks color a little as he considers how to move forward, as Hiyori continues to speak.
Ultimately, he has to let go of some pride, huh... )
...Fine. I'll be honest and open about it this once, since Bakugo has gone through the trouble of bringing you here, and he's stuck waiting.
( Why's he putting this on Bakugo. But look, he's embarrassed!! Enough that he can't fully look at Hiyori while speaking this, but he's being honest. Painfully so. )
I do want to be friends. I never stopped caring about you, or whatever, even if I'm not sure how that began in the first place... And I've talked down the idea of anyone hurting you, you know? Even at my angriest and most hurt.
But I'm afraid of things like this. It feels too vulnerable, or weak, to admit that I'd like your company, or Bakugo's, or Dabi's, or anyone's... The fact that it hurt so much to have you upset with me says enough, doesn't it? It's... they're all... something precious, in their own way.
( He's a little red, which is all the more prominent on his pale, frankly sickly face right now. Ugh. He fidgets with his own hair, after a moment, staring pointedly at a spot on the floor. )
I've been told too many times that I'll only ruin relationships like this, or make your lives worse... so I don't want to lean into something that's only going to fall apart. That's why I keep holding back. If I fall from something like that, how am I supposed to get back up anymore? Wouldn't it be pathetic to get upset over something like that? It seems to me that everyone else can make and lose friends so effortlessly, but it's never felt that way for me.
But, I'm trying a different approach, so... don't laugh at me admitting all of this, got it? I want to be your friend. I want to be someone who can have friends without causing them pain, or trouble, too... So... I guess "that's that", right?
[This time he came here as support. The last time was between him and Esikko, airing out his pains, regrets, apologies, and questions. Trying to fix what he swore was broken. Will it ever be "fixed" completely? Hell no. Fractures and cracks remain, doubts and corruption leaving stains on what they once had. There's no returning to the past. But he has to attend to the present and the future. Even if this one's playing out like some weird movie scene were two people are jousting each other with lances of uncertainty over a prize named friendship. Part of him wants to just "MAKE UP ALREADY!" and slam their heads together.
They're lucky he doesn't give into that part.
Bakugo knows all too well how it feels to regret your words. They linger in his mind and come back to him at night, whispering themselves into his ears no matter how hard he tries shutting them out. His voice, his words, his intentions. There's no escaping his own brain. Hiyori must have felt the same weight dragging at him, if he truly regretted the things he said... Words carry far more power than some people give them credit for. Especially something as horrible as what Hiyori said. What Bakugo is just as guilty of saying to someone in his past too.
Both of them should know by now it takes a fucking miracle to get sappy words out of the blonde's mouth. Made even harder by having it be in front of another person. Don't ask him questions you already know the answer to, dammit! Hmph. Both of them are looking at him and his expression twists into a defensive sneer, head cocking and chin lifting slightly. What? They got a problem with what he said or something? Deal with it.
Again Hiyori runs his mouth on evidence and support instead of just owning up and saying "yes I wanna be friends" to Esikko's face. Why the hell can't people spit out what they mean and be done with it? Putting up all that crap makes it sound like they don't have confidence in their own words. As if they won't believe each other without proof.
Oy! If he wasn't close, would he even be here?! Esikko knows he's not the type to waste his time and effort on something he's not personally invested in! If the man needs his help, he'll come to help him. Just like last time. Hopefully without a bunch of murderous feelings not giving a shit about anyone else in the room.]
Haa? Don't assume shit! I didn't bring him here! [Don't make assumptions about shit!] He came cause he wanted to! And I'm not stuck. I'll leave when I want to.
[Che, where's he get off making him out to be tethered like some fly on wax. Grumble mutter grump. Don't duck behind him cause you're embarrassed, Esikko! Stand up and talk! Or don't stand up because you're in a damn hospital bed. More of that and he'll walk out of the room, slam the door, and leave the two of them to fend with each other while he waits outside with a packet of orange juice or something. Hmph.
But Esikko's honest about his feelings soon enough. Bakugo can't say he's wrong to worry either. He has similar concerns now about getting close to anyone or the ones he's already close to. Friendship, caring about people, love, those are amazing sources of strength, bu they're fucking horrible weaknesses as well. Wanting those connections, fearing what they might risk, while relishing in their warmth and presence. Human bonds are complex and weird, and it pisses him off this goddamn place treats them as no more important than a fucking shiny toy to play with at whim.]
No one decides your life but you. [Doesn't matter who says he'll suck or how many times someone says he'll fall. Esikko decides for himself whether he sucks or falls. He's his own opponent, far stronger and more dangerous than anyone external. Most people's inner selves are. If he stopped putting so much weight on what other people say or think about him, he'd be far freer. At least the two of them finally air out their thoughts and come to an agreement.
Tch, so many words to say "yes". Why are a good chunk of his friends theatrical motormouths?]
[Hiyori hasn't been struggling with the same uncertainty Esikko has regarding their friendship; he's the one who cut ties, after all. Still, it is heartening to hear him say he cares—that he wants to be friends, after everything—and Hiyori's smile grows warm as a result.
Though he does have one thing to interject with.]
That's good of you, but now I'm wondering how many people have been lining up to hurt me!
[How much should he be watching his back, exactly...?]
Unless you just mean Dabi. He sort of threatened me on your behalf, but nothing came of it. He must like you an awful lot.
[After that, he shuts up for a moment and lets Esikko finish saying his piece. Lets Bakugo add his piece, too. Esikko says he's afraid of ruining his relationships and making people's lives worse, but that he's trying to push past that fear. Bakugo, meanwhile, doesn't have any fears he wants to confess or anything touchy-feely to add, but he does offer encouragement in his own way. "No one decides your life but you," he says. This, Hiyori thinks, would resonate more strongly if they weren't caged here at the whim of some supernatural entity. But the point stands, so.]
What he said again!
[On both counts: the deciding-your-life count, and the fact he chose to come here. He gives Bakugo a smile.
And then, he gives Esikko one. There's a flash of recognition on his face, as Esikko echoes his words from before, putting a positive twist on them this time. His smile looks like how he used to smile, back before he knew any of Esikko's dark secrets, back before this place had him so jaded.]
Though that goal of yours might be too big a reach, honestly.
[... no, it turns out he does have more to say on the topic of driving people away and causing them pain. His face takes on a more serious look, the easy smile fading. Unfortunately for Bakugo, the yap-a-thon continues.]
Especially in this place, where our hearts are always being manipulated, and where people disappear without any warning. [...] I wanted to spread nothing but happiness and cheer. I don't want to cause pain, either. That's exactly why I became an idol. Even I can't manage that here, though.
[He shakes his head, a bit. Before he adds:]
But if you try to take care of yourself more, and you try not to hurt others, then that's a start, anyway. I don't think it does any good to say things like "Anything's better than dying from that illness." So if that's your "different approach," I'll look forward to it!
( ...He can't help it. When Bakugo snaps and snarls like that, he smiles himself, a soft laugh escaping even as he lifts a hand to try and cover it. It's more familiar, more sign that Bakugo is still there, beneath the pain and the scars, and it might be the first relief he's felt since waking up again. Seeing Hiyori's more genuine smile right afterwards feels nice, too, even if that's even more embarrassing to admit to himself, and he scrubs at both of his eyes to relieve them of the dry, stinging feeling they have, sighing a little just to allow some of that tension to escape.
Some of it. Of course things feel rough, of course things aren't all better. But— )
Pain isn't completely avoidable. I do understand that, but...
( He hesitates here, his eyes sliding over to Bakugo, and then flicking back to Hiyori for a moment before they lower to his bed again. )
Well, I've found some people I consider precious, here, and I'd like to at least avoid causing them pain when possible. Above all else, I'd like to create a path for everyone to go wherever they'd like, and to retain their memories... I do think it's possible. It's just not easy.
[Bakugo drops his shoulders against the wall again, arms folding over his chest instead of his hands living in his pockets. At least Esikko and Hiyori got a chance to air their grievances, misgivings, ideas, and establish something going ahead. Seems the two of them still wanted to be friends and a bunch of shit got in the way. Reason and fault lies in both, from kept-back secrets to personal morals and the like. He wasn't blowing smoke when he said friendship with stipulations is just a contract. There are people here he's friends with now he would never have looked at back home.
Mentioning Dabi earn Hiyori a sharp look that clearly growls "drop it" written all over his narrowed red eyes. He doesn't want to bring the man up right now. Things are busy enough with Hiyori and Esikko patching their relationship.
Even if they're caged in this shitty world but a fucking entity, their free will (mostly) hasn't been stripped from them. They can still decide to participate in events or not, for the most part; they can decide who they want to hang out with or walk away from, ignoring occasional dumps which they can still leave; they can even refuse to play the peacock's stupid sex game to the point of being sent home for noncompliance! No one decides their lives but them. Only the circumstances. Not even the peacock.
Ugh, more yapping. Bakugo's finger begins drumming slightly on his upper arm, listening to Hiyori's continued description of their status here. He's not making stupid points. Even their best intentions can get screwed up or stopped flat, forcing them to back up and try again. Few people he's met here actively want to cause pain and suffering for the fuck of it. Esikko's hopes and intentions aren't wrong to strive for either, so long as he's aware he'll have to deal with the shitty hotel trying to trip him up.
He feels Esikko's eyes on him with another glance, momentarily staying before leaving and lowering. Admitting he cares about people enough to put them before his own feelings and needs is difficult. Bakugo doesn't put those words to his lips despite both men in the room knowing he'll do so when it counts every time. He narrows his eyes when the prince shifts goals from a personal protection of his friendships to stating ambition for the entire resort. He hasn't lost his own intentions and desires to find a way to get out of this place, and to rip that way open into a mutual path to and from, voluntary.]
Wait on any plans for a while. [Noting Esikko's neck and the new mark he has on his arm. The hotel's eyes are on the prince and he doesn't need the man putting himself in even worse position than he is already.] You've got enough shit to deal with right now.
[With Bakugo standing against the wall behind him, he doesn't notice him glare daggers at the mention of Dabi's name. It's fine, though; he has no intention of talking any more about the guy.
Some degree of hurting one other is inevitable, especially in a place like this. That doesn't mean they shouldn't try to do right by each other, though. Or that Esikko couldn't stand to take better care of himself, which brings them to their next point. Esikko states his desire to create pathways home, to free whoever wants to be freed—something Hiyori's largely given up on ever happening. How wonderful would it be if it did happen after all?
But he knows better now than to rely on one person for everything, so at Bakugo's words, he nods solemnly.]
Baku-kun's right.
[He pauses for a moment, a little hesitant about saying this next bit. But he already admitted he worries about Esikko. What's the harm in admitting when he first started worrying?]
... I felt bad when you got punished the first time. It made me worry about what would happen if you pushed too hard and got punished even worse in the future.
[It would've felt like his fault, in part.]
That's definitely the last thing you need now, so if you do use magic for something like that, at least don't go it alone. Alright? [He meets Esikko's eyes.] And first, rest up!
( To both of them, at once, he relents, though it's clear he has a lot more on his mind. He's trying to have more of a filter, now that he's alive again, and he can recognize that some people care about him enough to not want to hear the negative things that surface too easily. That someone like him deserves the punishment, or that it's better if someone like him takes the brunt of the focus so other, kinder, more useful people don't have to...
It's strange. In some ways, it's his usual negativity that's persisted throughout his lifetimes, poisoned newly each time by the circumstances and treatment around him. In other ways, though, it's far less selfish than he used to be— he never would have cared about anyone else, before. He'd always tried to avoid harm himself, even if it meant those around him got hurt. So in a way, he's taking steps forward, changing his view on things, carefully trying to balance selfishness with being better.
Which means that, maybe he'll hold thoughts like that back a bit longer and actually think about them, first, before upsetting those around him. It's a start, even if it feels lonely right now. )
I'm having trouble sleeping, though. ( If his dark circles aren't evident enough of that. ) Do you suppose it's worth it, to stay here and have one of you fetch the things I need to make a sleep potion? Or should I just sneak out? They're draining all of my funds, making me sit here and telling me to make "booty calls", you know?
[So much for being able to feel eyes like daggers in his back. Hiyori's one of those blissfully unaware types more often than not. Figures. He's up on stage all the time; why the hell would he notice someone staring at him with malicious intent from the peanut gallery? Bakugo slips his hands into his pockets once more as he settles his heel on the baseboard, bracing his other foot slightly in front of him. Asking Esikko not to get himself in trouble or get hurt is pretty damn impossible. Miasma follows the guy like a stubborn ghost. Lessening it is all they can realistically aim at.
Going home remains a long-term pipe dream. He refuses to give up hope they can make it happen, but can't help feel they'll be stuck in research and explore mode for a long time. Recent breakthroughs, like the heart reveal, keep him going.]
Tch. [And now Esikko's back in the damn basement. Bakugo tried keeping him out of the fucking place since it's so tempting for his nosy nature; easier to do when the prince was up in top floors with the other high ranks. But he's not the guy's keeper.
Good thing Esikko kept his mouth shut instead of dumping all that negative crap out of his mouth. Bakugo would've crammed his pillow down his throat for being a fucking bedsore. The guy's always been down on himself, something which pisses the hero off when people bitch and whine about their poor lot in life or personal faults. Especially if they do fuck about it but moan.]
Haa?! The hell do you mean by that? [His expression wrenches into an annoyed snarl, head lifting and shoulders rolling off the wall. Both arms drop, one hand coming up as sparks start crackling around his hand. All this fucking talking and emotional sap's been chewing away at his patience and temper. Esikko dropped a final straw.] They're keeping you here when you don't need to be?
[Ka-BOOOM! Deliberately stalling the prince's departure to encourage him into sex calls while sapping his fucking funds what funds now that he's been revived-?!] If you can leave, then get your ass out of bed!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But heroes often say things that aren't true on the surface. Why? Because what hero willingly brings despair? Even as smoke rage around them, building structures collapses, rubble makes the air choke, and blood flows, a hero still looks at the child in his arms and says "It's all right. Because I am here." What else can he do but move forward.
Bakugo's steps pause, one foot half-leaving the floor as he turns his head over his shoulder, red eyes narrowed at the idol behind him. They're stopping because why? He glances at the flowers in Hiyori's vase.]
They're from you, Parrot. I'm not giving him your gift. [He understands this is also difficult for Hiyori. After what he learned of Esikko, how he feels about the man, an understandable sense of betrayal, disgust, surprise, and confusion. He doesn't begrudge him or question the idol's feelings. And yet, this was Hiyori's idea. He's not gonna let him back out now.] You're stronger than that.
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Just to stall for time, honestly. But he knows there's no point, and those last words at least sound heartening enough that he manages a small smile. When Bakugo puts it like that, it almost sounds like he believes in him.]
Right, right. Of course you won't, and of course I am.
[He's not moving yet, though. While they're still paused outside the door, he adds one more thing.]
This is a "get well soon" visit, so I'll try to avoid any arguments. Though that also depends on him, of course. You shouldn't have to mediate between us, but I'm sorry if the vibe is unpleasant. We haven't gotten along in a while, so...
[The last time they spoke, they just bickered. Though at least that interaction wasn't as nasty as some of the other ones they've had. It all probably begs the question of why he's here, but he's always been like this: hard to get along with, and good at ticking people off. Yet he always cares anyway, even when he's mad at someone, even when they're mad at him. And he never really stopped caring about Esikko.]
Anyway, you know where his bed is, so you can go in first.
[He turns toward the doors again, gripping the vase with more resolve.]
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Then don't waste my time asking.
[Hiyori isn't moving and Bakugo's not gonna move for him. He already met with Esikko. He met with everyone he interacted with that day and spewed his filth all over. Forced himself to face his own razors amid bitter burns, knowing he couldn't move forward without slicing himself open on through that hellish doorway all over again. Hiyori's gonna have to face his own demons.]
If you two start bitching, I'll put you both through the fucking wall.
[Somehow his usual threat lacks the head and assurance he normally backs them with. So much still isn't right. So much remains damaged. But just cause it's damaged doesn't mean he can't use it and force the damn thing to move. One step at a time. Even if that steps is knocking two people's heads through the drywall.]
Hmph.
[Sneak. But he shoulders Broken Wing's doors open. If the people at the front desk tense up at the sight of him, there an almost-reason. He says nothing to them, only leans forward and stalks to the back double doors, hands in his pockets and eyes focused ahead like glowing coals. Ever since that day, Bakugo's hated the very sight of the resort staff.]
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Though as usual, he doesn't appreciate threats.]
That'll put us both in the hospital, so don't, please!
[Not that he really believes Bakugo would make good on his threat. As usual.
But boy, is his mood ever dour. If looks could kill, he'd be obliterating everything in their path through the clinic. Will it really be alright like this? With Bakugo still furious over everything, and him still unsure how he feels about the person they've come to visit?
It'll have to be. This was his idea, they're here, and there's no turning back. He follows Bakugo through the reception area and then through the double doors, still with the pink flowers held to his chest, casting his eyes around for an equally pink head.]
sticks my leggy out to slide in here
So when they enter, he doesn't notice. Mistakes their feet and movement for the ones of the nurses who keep trying to insist he needs to be fully bandaged, or the ones who keep reminding him his debt is going up. He's just scrolling on his phone, waiting for messages that don't come, too miserable to send his own, dark circles beneath his eyes from the lack of sleep he's managed. He doesn't look up until something catches in his peripheral. Blonde? Bakugo?
His head lifts up, an obviously hopeful and cheery glance pointing straight over to the explosive hero, but as soon as he notices who's standing there with him, that expression wipes clean off. It's not distaste that replaces it, this time, but something far more wide-eyed. Surprise, genuine, combined with something like fear, and a trace of hope.
His arms lower slowly back to his lap as his eyes waver between the two. )
What... are you doing here?
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Hiyori's little protest gets nothing out of him, though he seems to ease only slightly once they're through the doors and no longer have the damn staff staring at him like they're moments away from calling security. Best they don't. Bakugo has extremely little patience for dealing with the fucking resort right now. He's not so far from that day he wouldn't willingly "have a flashback" just to wreck them in pure spiteful revenge.
The hotel really put a stain on him and it's not rubbing out any time soon. A villainous hero, people used to call him. Even the fucking media questioned whether he was a hero or a villain because of his attitude, temper, and power. He knew the answer at home. He knows the answer even here. But that answer isn't gleaming gold as purely anymore. Now it's personal.
Doesn't take any time at all to find Esikko's room; he memorized the way on his first trip. One hand on the door, he pushes it open, stepping in ahead of Hiyori and then moving to the side to let him follow. Wind brushes their backs as the panel swings shut and he moves to the wall across from the foot of Esikko's bed. His back hits the wall with a soft thud, hands in his pockets, and heel propped to the baseboard like a proper delinquent.
Hmph. Esikko looks somehow a little worse than the last time he saw him. Lack of sleep, out of his element, a plant without proper sunlight and water. How long are they gonna keep in him this fucking place?]
What's it look like? [He'll let Hiyori answer for himself.] You need some plants in here too.
[He would've brought one of Esikko's, but concerned the hotel staff would get rid of it for whatever reason once they were gone, he opted to leave it safely in his room for now.]
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He's worried. For Esikko, who's in bad shape as expected, though at least he isn't sporting visible strangulation marks like last time. And he's nervous for himself, too. That he'll be told he doesn't belong here; that he'll only make things worse somehow. Can he convincingly argue he does belong? Esikko asks what he's doing here, and it doesn't sound accusatory, but it is a valid question.
There's nowhere to hide from it. Bakugo's already moved aside, leaving him and the flowers visible. He expected to be asked that question, and he has an answer he's rehearsed. Something about their connection told him something was wrong again, how anyone would be worried in his shoes, how he's here to check up on him. He does have a heart, after all.
But then Bakugo replies first, saying simply "What's it look like?" and that Esikko's room needs plants. And just like that, some of the tension he was feeling evaporates. He's silent for a moment longer, and then:]
... right, what he said!
[He speaks up finally, with a burst of energy. Never mind what he was going to say about himself and the sensory link; they're here for a purpose, as Bakugo just reminded him. So, he'll skip talking about his feelings and talk about that!]
This is a "get well soon" gift. [He holds the flowers out from his chest.] Esikko-kun already knows all about flower language, so I don't need to explain what orchids mean. But as for their color, that's less about symbolism and more because you like pink things. Pink is your color, right? You said it feels personal when someone else wears it, so it must be true!
[He projects his voice loud and clear, gaining confidence as he goes, rambling a bit, but at least it's better than being tongue-tied.]
Now the question is, where should I put these? This place is a bit more cramped than I thought, so... er...
[Conveniently, his words gave him an excuse to look around instead of at Esikko for a moment. (Thanks to a certain someone who always had his own sizable private hospital room, Hiyori's standards about what's cramped and what's not might be a bit warped.)]
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I thought...
( His voice trails and strains, confusion creasing his face as he tries to make sense of it. He thought Hiyori wanted him dead. He thought he'd be happy, seeing him deal with all of this. That he'd feel justified, that he'd think it was something deserved, maybe, or even not enough. But as his eyes flick between Hiyori, who's busy trying to find a spot in this "cramped" room, and Bakugo, who looks to be stiffly waiting this out, he realizes that it would have been far too easy for Hiyori to simply ignore him coming back. To move on, to say nothing, to isolate.
His eyes are stinging before he realizes it, a hand distantly reaching up to touch at his cheek, still dry for the moment but quickly losing the chance of that. Why is Bakugo here? It clearly wasn't his idea. Was Hiyori just wanting someone there in case things turned out poorly?
Something twists in his gut, painful and upsetting, and his head ducks a little further into his own palm. I thought you'd be happy I was dead. The words die on his tongue, and tension shakes a little at his shoulders as he tries to hold back his tears, and fails. )
I'm— sorry, Hiyori. For everything. I don't— ( His voice is strained, cracking a little, struggling. He doesn't know what to say, barely knows what to feel, but it hurts? But it's like relief, too. He doesn't deserve these flowers, does he? That's how it feels. But he wants to accept them so badly, he wants things to be okay. )
I don't know what to say.
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Oy, don't take his answer and treat it like your own, Parrot! You've got your own shit to say. Esikko's asking stupid questions too. Why the hell would anyone show up here if they didn't intend to show up? Fuck, everything's so irritating right now and he can't shake the damn feeling. Red eyes focus on the flowers, picking through colors and gentle petals before Esikko's current state threatens to set him off again on the hospital.
Hmph. Hiyori really is a burst of energy no matter what this shithole does. It's stupid and admirable. ...haa? What's all this about pink being personal? It's a damn color! These two really do have matching weirdness.
Esikko trails off on a potential deflection and Bakugo narrows his eyes at the prince. Just fucking drop it. Whatever he's got budding on his tongue, whatever he thinks he might wanna say, or thinks Hiyori would've wanted, said, or thought. An olive branch, an extended hand, neither of which need to have doubt and protest brought up to proverbially slap it away. Someone who's worried about being alone shouldn't be throwing up the defense towards someone obviously offering to make amends. Start over.
You don't have to like everything about a person to give a shit about them.
Finally an apology. One probably a long time in coming. Painful relief, words finally coming to light even if it hurts. He knows the feeling all too well. Esikko doesn't know what to say, but he just said the one thing he needed to start with.]
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Now that he's explained the purpose of this visit (just a "get well soon" visit, no big deal!), he looks for a place to put the flowers. Let's see, there's no room over in this corner. Maybe over there? Yep, over there seems good! He'll just go over ther—
... that's Esikko getting choked up, isn't it?
He stiffens, before slowly turning back towards the bed. Sure enough, Esikko is sitting there shocked, and those look like tears forming in his eyes. Then he says sorry. Hiyori's eyebrows raise, then knot together, mimicking the knot that forms in his chest. His lips purse—he didn't come here to make Esikko feel bad, to apologize for dying.]
Why...
[Then he stops. Esikko, he realizes, isn't sorry for dying; he's sorry for "everything." Everything, meaning the earlier stuff. That's different from what he said before. Isn't it? He'd seemed so unapologetic at first that it galled him, made him even angrier. But now...
He goes quiet again. He stands a few feet from the bed, clutching the vase tightly. It's tense, and everything about this hurts, and he can't cut through the clouds with sunshine the way he normally does. Bakugo's silent, Esikko's crying, and he doesn't know what to say. But right as he's thinking that, Esikko says the same about himself—and that makes him smile.
Almost. It's more of a lip twitch. But he does find some more words, slowly.]
Well... you could just say "thank you." Assuming you do want these flowers.
[Suddenly he remembers their last visit: how Esikko gave him the vial, how he tried to give it back. That wasn't the same as this, and he's sure he doesn't feel the same way Esikko felt then... but it's similar, isn't it?]
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( It's with a firm sniffle and one last wipe of his face that Esikko lifts his chin into those words. His eyes, reddened from tears with horrible dark circles, are rough around the edges right now— but there, in the color of them, and in the slight waver they give when looking at Hiyori, they look with the same hopefulness that his painting child self had. A familiar stare, for however short it lasts.
Because his eyes dart away shamefully just as quickly, embarrassed, afraid, worried that he's going to mess it up just as quickly. They keep flicking back to Bakugo, like he's some pillar of reassurance despite how terrible his mood seems to be. A part of himself is trying not to embarrass himself too much in front of him, especially, though he doesn't consciously think about it.
He just feels like a mess. He looks like a mess, too, he's sure. The blonde of his roots is beginning to show, his pink is a little faded compared to its usual, he's got all the signs of exhaustion and lack of sleep, and his skin looks a little dry. And maybe he just is a mess? It's hard, to feel like people are here to visit him for his sake, when he also feels like he's done nothing to earn it. When he's learned from the world time and time again that he has to earn things to get them, or take them, or fight for them, that nothing comes easy. That the people who offer things like kindness forward too soon are either too kind to their own detriment, or masking some other need or want behind the actions (like Kirma).
In this intense moment of emotion, that bond of theirs might flicker alive, like a barely lit flame stoking again. Hiyori might be able to feel his nervousness, his guilt, his overwhelming fear as he tries his hardest to compose himself. Eventually, Esikko lifts his hands to reach for those flowers, wanting to hold them himself. )
I... ( How does he say this? He falters, eyes darting back to Hiyori, and then down to the flowers, to focus on them instead. No use saying what he thinks he does or doesn't deserve, what he is or isn't worth. He's realizing, slowly, trying to hammer it into his own mind, that it's not for him to decide. So he changes his direction, looking at Bakugo again in between his words to Hiyori. ) Could you ever... think of me as a friend, again?
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Not his place or business to determine which of them is the responsible party for the rift. He's heard both sides and isn't taking either. This is for Hiyori and Esikko to get out of their system. An extended offer, an apology, an acceptance. This fucking place is as quick to rip the bonds apart as much as it is to force more to forge.
Is this is strength or idiocy? Knowing just how strong a friendship or caring can make someone. Knowing just how great a weakness the same friendship or caring can be. Which is the right choice? To live life with warm hooks driven into your heart, each one reaching out to person after person despite the pain and pleasure each time those cords move. To live life alone and safe behind walls, heart whole and cold with nothing capable of hurting it, nothing capable of helping it. Golden Peacock is a hellhole to find an answer in.
Apparently Hiyori and Esikko reached their own answer between them. Right or wrong. Smart or dumb. No fucking clue anymore. But he didn't come here to find an answer for himself. Seeing the two in front of him picking one route over the other is a quiet drop in his chest. A gentle cool as much as a soft warmth. Nothing shows on his face, set in his normal scowl, as his mind continues turning everything that's happened over and over. He's made several over the past few days. Regret? Hardly. Acceptance? Yeah. A long time ago, Hiyori made it painfully clear to him: no one is getting out of this place alone...
Sorry, Esikko. He's not much of a pillar today. Unless you wanna count a shadowed pillar covered in grease at a distance a reassurance. It's got nothing to do with the prince or the idol, and everything to do with loathing towards the cage around them. But he's here, if only for his presence to be helpful. At least Hiyori and Esikko can focus on the flowers instead of the bomb fizzling on the wall. Focus on their own friendship.]
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... ah. Now he remembers.
And now he realizes. Esikko, who didn't know what "friends" were and wasn't shown proper love growing up, is still that child in some ways.
Something warm sparks inside him. The source isn't himself, but Esikko. It's easier than ever to tell whose emotions are whose, after being unable to feel their connection at all for a week. He'd wanted so badly to be rid of it when it was first introduced, and again later when he learned what Esikko had done here. Even now, it brings him secondhand pain and a whole lot of worry. So why does he feel something almost like relief, as it breathes with new life?
Because it's proof he's not alone, when he feels more lonely than he ever did at home. And it's proof, perhaps, that the bonds between people can be mended, however tattered and broken they are.
Though the mending is a work in progress. Esikko seems to be reaching for the flowers, so Hiyori moves closer and hands them off: the small vase passed over, the orchids healthy and sweet-smelling. Then, he asks if he could still see him as a friend. And Hiyori, still almost-but-not-quite able to smile, looks at him and... hesitates.]
Well...
[His voice wavers. He has had time to think about this. But he needs a moment still.
Esikko did horrible things here. Those things are in the past. That doesn't make them any less horrible, but it's not Hiyori's place to punish him. And that last bad thing Esikko did—taking someone's memories temporarily—he already got punished for. A horrible punishment no one should have to suffer. That cycle of vengeance is the problem here, isn't it?
But Hiyori's already thought about all that. His hesitancy has another source: it's the same reason his stomach squirms, the same thing makes it hard to look at Esikko while he cries. He doesn't feel bad about what he said during the Truth or Dare game; anyone would have reacted the same way. But the squabbles they've gotten in since, well... Esikko didn't always start those. Or hit below the belt as often and as readily as he did. When he thinks about that, his Spades suit, and how atrociously Bakugo behaved recently during his suit flare... well.]
That depends on you too, you know.
[He says after a minute, in a forced-casual tone.]
I'm pretty sure you said I'm annoying. Though you're not the only one. For some reason, I get that surprisingly a lot!
["""""Surprisingly.""""]
And I might have said some cruel things to you before. Plus I have that nasty Spades suit to deal with. So I don't know if you still want to be friends, given all that.
[A pause. Then he adds:]
Though now that I think of it, the first person I ever saw as a friend was someone I just fought with all the time, so I guess it could be worse.
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Eventually, as he's listening, he stretches to the side to make room for the vase on his bedside table. Other useless items are just in the way, from the nurses going on about how he should find romance or get laid and that would speed things up so much! Or whatever nonsense... But the flowers look nicer there, and after one final touch to the base of that vase, he withdraws his hand and sits more normally. )
You are annoying.
( It's the first thing he mumbles, a little petulant in response to how Hiyori answered all of that. ) Like... all of that, for example. Would it have killed you to say something like "Yes, if you meet me halfway?" You said you wanted me dead, you know, and with the intensity you delivered it, what else was I supposed to think?
( But despite his arguing, here, and despite the way his voice gains some more life into it, less strained from tears— he's not furious, he's not shaking with anger, he's just understandably tired, and a little desperate. )
If I didn't want to be friends, I'd block you and tell you to leave. I wouldn't warn you about those brothers, or tell you to pretend not to know me, or give you those potions, or sit here listening to you think you're not as annoying as you are. And if you'd truly like to be friends with me, then you'll just have to deal with me pointing it out.
I'd only expect the same in return, you know. ( Again, though he'd been focused on Hiyori during his words, his gaze slides back to Bakugo, noticeably worried about him. So, after a moment's hesitation: ) Bakugo is bluntly honest with me too, after all, and we're still close. Right?
( Obviously, because he's blunt with anyone. But, he mostly wants to hear his voice, to make sure he's not too lost in his own thoughts, over there. )
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Sucky part is, this place doesn't always give people the luxury of keeping themselves away from someone they don't like. Forced together, pushed to interact, made to grow close in attempts to build bonds, their memories and feelings are stripped out and laid bare in front of each other. As if some sick notion of lacking privacy will inherently foster closer connections. Bullshit. Yet people have to get along despite disagreements and not liking each other. Bakugo's close to two people here he never would've given the time of day back in his own world. Fucked up, isn't it. But...
Anything broken can be mended in some fashion. Maybe it won't work like it did, maybe it won't look the same, maybe it won't act or sound like it had before. But if someone's willing to put in the effort to help bring back together all those pieces, something worthwhile exists there for them. No one's going to waste their resources on something they don't care about.]
Tch. [Esikko asks if they can be friends and Hiyori dumps the question back on him. Bakugo's shoulders sag in exasperation, expression screwing up in annoyance. HE ASKED YOU THE QUESTION, DAMN PARROT!! ANSWER IT!! Doesn't matter what the fuck Esikko says or does, the question is whether Hiyori can! ... Some people think friendship runs on caveats, but Bakugo's seen someone doggedly hold onto a friendship another person furiously decried, hated, and wished would vanish in the blazes of hell. Yet no matter what he did to Midoriya, the other boy refused to give up on their past friendship. He trusted that one day, he could regain the friendship Bakugo furiously tore apart and threw aside. Friendship doesn't always run on caveats.]
Cause you are fucking annoying... [Muttered under his breath. Who the fuck's gonna say Hiyori's not annoying? Unless they're the kind of annoying person. At least the idol admits he said his own shit in the past. He closes his mouth and narrows his eyes, Spade suit topic digging into sore spots even unintentionally. Nothing he needs to weigh them down with.
Good to know Esikko isn't afraid to speak his mind despite all that happened to him. Bakugo hated his "smart idea" of letting himself be perceived as a spineless weakling to protect them. Hiyori could've shortened all his words into a simple comment, but Parrot always has to ramble. He's groused at him a lot for running his mouth so much too. Back to the two of them bickering, bringing up old pains and words said. Telling someone to die... He knows just how horrible it is to wish such a thing on someone. Another reason is memories of how callous he'd been towards Esikko's dying breaths rakes his lungs raw and makes his skin crawl across his muscles.
And there goes Esikko, running his own mouth as bad as Hiyori. Would it have killed him to summarize all his protesting evidence into a similar short answer? These two really are way too damn similar sometimes. No wonder they fight despite being easy friend material. Guess in a way it's refreshing to hear them bicker. Usually means two people are close if they can clash without going their separate ways in a huff forever. Esikko looks at him with clear concern and worry in his eyes. What? He's fine. If he didn't want to show up here, he would've told Hiyori to go at it on his own. More searching, more pestering because the prince has a big heart and he isn't gonna stop looking at him until he gets a response, is he. So annoying, the both of them.]
Tch. You two talk way too much. [Bluntly honest. He leans back more fully to the wall, head resting on the surface rather than ducked towards his chest. Well, he was lost in his thoughts, even if they were all stemming from the conversation and patch up was listening to.] If you two wanna be friends, then decide for yourselves rather than basing it off each other. Friendship with strings and requirements is nothing more than a contract.
[Friends, true friends, know each other well enough to realize what hurts, upsets, helps, and supports each other. Sometimes that requires sacrificing what you want to do for the sake of your friend's benefit. Putting their needs and feelings in front of your own. Accepting things won't always be nice and shiny. Pain happens, life sucks, mistakes made. But if both people approach with the same understanding, they'll make it through. Hiyori and Esikko have to decide for themselves if they're willing to do that for each other. That decision isn't something they can base off "I will if you will" bullshit.
It's individual and solo.]
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Or in jail. You forgot the "jail" part.
[Alright, so maybe he feels a bit guilty now, in light of what just happened. But if there's anything he really feels bad about saying, it's probably what he said about Esikko disappearing. "Not that anyone would notice." He knows how cruel it was, as someone who worries every day about him or Jun disappearing next. Knows, too, that Esikko wants to be remembered and is afraid no one will care if he dies. And it was factually wrong, too, of course. Whatever he said or whatever Esikko may have believed, he'd be missed if he was gone. By Bakugo, by whoever Dabi is... by Hiyori, too, or else he wouldn't be here.
It is pretty funny when Esikko asks Bakugo if they're close and Bakugo doesn't confirm, though. One thing sure hasn't changed: that kid is never forthcoming about his feelings, and he won't say mushy stuff about being "close" to people. And yet it's obvious anyway, isn't it? They are close, or he wouldn't be here, either.]
You're not wrong there. Something like a "friendship contract" sounds too stuffy, so I'll pass!
[He looks at Bakugo, lips quirked, opting not to make a fuss about his attitude or about calling him annoying, since he's been through a lot.
But then, so has Esikko. So.
Hiyori looks back at him, now, hunched over the flowers. He crossed his arms, curls his fingers into his sleeve, and tries to muster some up courage.]
But "meeting halfway" sounds fine, I suppose. It's the same for me, too, after all. We've already been through a lot. This connection thing doesn't seem like it'll ever go away. And it's hard to find people who share my tastes, or have basically anything in common with me.
[Tea, flowers, being a rich bitch—]
If I didn't see you as a friend, I wouldn't have sent all those people your way. Like Leo-kun and Loki-kun. I wouldn't have written you that heartfelt goodbye note, which you haven't seen since I haven't disappeared yet. And I wouldn't still worry about you, either. At least not as much as I have been, so...
[Another pause, and then he shrugs, managing a real smile this time.]
There's your answer.
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Ultimately, he has to let go of some pride, huh... )
...Fine. I'll be honest and open about it this once, since Bakugo has gone through the trouble of bringing you here, and he's stuck waiting.
( Why's he putting this on Bakugo. But look, he's embarrassed!! Enough that he can't fully look at Hiyori while speaking this, but he's being honest. Painfully so. )
I do want to be friends. I never stopped caring about you, or whatever, even if I'm not sure how that began in the first place... And I've talked down the idea of anyone hurting you, you know? Even at my angriest and most hurt.
But I'm afraid of things like this. It feels too vulnerable, or weak, to admit that I'd like your company, or Bakugo's, or Dabi's, or anyone's... The fact that it hurt so much to have you upset with me says enough, doesn't it? It's... they're all... something precious, in their own way.
( He's a little red, which is all the more prominent on his pale, frankly sickly face right now. Ugh. He fidgets with his own hair, after a moment, staring pointedly at a spot on the floor. )
I've been told too many times that I'll only ruin relationships like this, or make your lives worse... so I don't want to lean into something that's only going to fall apart. That's why I keep holding back. If I fall from something like that, how am I supposed to get back up anymore? Wouldn't it be pathetic to get upset over something like that? It seems to me that everyone else can make and lose friends so effortlessly, but it's never felt that way for me.
But, I'm trying a different approach, so... don't laugh at me admitting all of this, got it? I want to be your friend. I want to be someone who can have friends without causing them pain, or trouble, too... So... I guess "that's that", right?
( To quote Hiyori from before... )
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They're lucky he doesn't give into that part.
Bakugo knows all too well how it feels to regret your words. They linger in his mind and come back to him at night, whispering themselves into his ears no matter how hard he tries shutting them out. His voice, his words, his intentions. There's no escaping his own brain. Hiyori must have felt the same weight dragging at him, if he truly regretted the things he said... Words carry far more power than some people give them credit for. Especially something as horrible as what Hiyori said. What Bakugo is just as guilty of saying to someone in his past too.
Both of them should know by now it takes a fucking miracle to get sappy words out of the blonde's mouth. Made even harder by having it be in front of another person. Don't ask him questions you already know the answer to, dammit! Hmph. Both of them are looking at him and his expression twists into a defensive sneer, head cocking and chin lifting slightly. What? They got a problem with what he said or something? Deal with it.
Again Hiyori runs his mouth on evidence and support instead of just owning up and saying "yes I wanna be friends" to Esikko's face. Why the hell can't people spit out what they mean and be done with it? Putting up all that crap makes it sound like they don't have confidence in their own words. As if they won't believe each other without proof.
Oy! If he wasn't close, would he even be here?! Esikko knows he's not the type to waste his time and effort on something he's not personally invested in! If the man needs his help, he'll come to help him. Just like last time. Hopefully without a bunch of murderous feelings not giving a shit about anyone else in the room.]
Haa? Don't assume shit! I didn't bring him here! [Don't make assumptions about shit!] He came cause he wanted to! And I'm not stuck. I'll leave when I want to.
[Che, where's he get off making him out to be tethered like some fly on wax. Grumble mutter grump. Don't duck behind him cause you're embarrassed, Esikko! Stand up and talk! Or don't stand up because you're in a damn hospital bed. More of that and he'll walk out of the room, slam the door, and leave the two of them to fend with each other while he waits outside with a packet of orange juice or something. Hmph.
But Esikko's honest about his feelings soon enough. Bakugo can't say he's wrong to worry either. He has similar concerns now about getting close to anyone or the ones he's already close to. Friendship, caring about people, love, those are amazing sources of strength, bu they're fucking horrible weaknesses as well. Wanting those connections, fearing what they might risk, while relishing in their warmth and presence. Human bonds are complex and weird, and it pisses him off this goddamn place treats them as no more important than a fucking shiny toy to play with at whim.]
No one decides your life but you. [Doesn't matter who says he'll suck or how many times someone says he'll fall. Esikko decides for himself whether he sucks or falls. He's his own opponent, far stronger and more dangerous than anyone external. Most people's inner selves are. If he stopped putting so much weight on what other people say or think about him, he'd be far freer. At least the two of them finally air out their thoughts and come to an agreement.
Tch, so many words to say "yes". Why are a good chunk of his friends theatrical motormouths?]
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Though he does have one thing to interject with.]
That's good of you, but now I'm wondering how many people have been lining up to hurt me!
[How much should he be watching his back, exactly...?]
Unless you just mean Dabi. He sort of threatened me on your behalf, but nothing came of it. He must like you an awful lot.
[After that, he shuts up for a moment and lets Esikko finish saying his piece. Lets Bakugo add his piece, too. Esikko says he's afraid of ruining his relationships and making people's lives worse, but that he's trying to push past that fear. Bakugo, meanwhile, doesn't have any fears he wants to confess or anything touchy-feely to add, but he does offer encouragement in his own way. "No one decides your life but you," he says. This, Hiyori thinks, would resonate more strongly if they weren't caged here at the whim of some supernatural entity. But the point stands, so.]
What he said again!
[On both counts: the deciding-your-life count, and the fact he chose to come here. He gives Bakugo a smile.
And then, he gives Esikko one. There's a flash of recognition on his face, as Esikko echoes his words from before, putting a positive twist on them this time. His smile looks like how he used to smile, back before he knew any of Esikko's dark secrets, back before this place had him so jaded.]
Right! "That's that!" ♪
[That's it. Feud over!]
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[... no, it turns out he does have more to say on the topic of driving people away and causing them pain. His face takes on a more serious look, the easy smile fading. Unfortunately for Bakugo, the yap-a-thon continues.]
Especially in this place, where our hearts are always being manipulated, and where people disappear without any warning. [...] I wanted to spread nothing but happiness and cheer. I don't want to cause pain, either. That's exactly why I became an idol. Even I can't manage that here, though.
[He shakes his head, a bit. Before he adds:]
But if you try to take care of yourself more, and you try not to hurt others, then that's a start, anyway. I don't think it does any good to say things like "Anything's better than dying from that illness." So if that's your "different approach," I'll look forward to it!
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Some of it. Of course things feel rough, of course things aren't all better. But— )
Pain isn't completely avoidable. I do understand that, but...
( He hesitates here, his eyes sliding over to Bakugo, and then flicking back to Hiyori for a moment before they lower to his bed again. )
Well, I've found some people I consider precious, here, and I'd like to at least avoid causing them pain when possible. Above all else, I'd like to create a path for everyone to go wherever they'd like, and to retain their memories... I do think it's possible. It's just not easy.
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Mentioning Dabi earn Hiyori a sharp look that clearly growls "drop it" written all over his narrowed red eyes. He doesn't want to bring the man up right now. Things are busy enough with Hiyori and Esikko patching their relationship.
Even if they're caged in this shitty world but a fucking entity, their free will (mostly) hasn't been stripped from them. They can still decide to participate in events or not, for the most part; they can decide who they want to hang out with or walk away from, ignoring occasional dumps which they can still leave; they can even refuse to play the peacock's stupid sex game to the point of being sent home for noncompliance! No one decides their lives but them. Only the circumstances. Not even the peacock.
Ugh, more yapping. Bakugo's finger begins drumming slightly on his upper arm, listening to Hiyori's continued description of their status here. He's not making stupid points. Even their best intentions can get screwed up or stopped flat, forcing them to back up and try again. Few people he's met here actively want to cause pain and suffering for the fuck of it. Esikko's hopes and intentions aren't wrong to strive for either, so long as he's aware he'll have to deal with the shitty hotel trying to trip him up.
He feels Esikko's eyes on him with another glance, momentarily staying before leaving and lowering. Admitting he cares about people enough to put them before his own feelings and needs is difficult. Bakugo doesn't put those words to his lips despite both men in the room knowing he'll do so when it counts every time. He narrows his eyes when the prince shifts goals from a personal protection of his friendships to stating ambition for the entire resort. He hasn't lost his own intentions and desires to find a way to get out of this place, and to rip that way open into a mutual path to and from, voluntary.]
Wait on any plans for a while. [Noting Esikko's neck and the new mark he has on his arm. The hotel's eyes are on the prince and he doesn't need the man putting himself in even worse position than he is already.] You've got enough shit to deal with right now.
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Some degree of hurting one other is inevitable, especially in a place like this. That doesn't mean they shouldn't try to do right by each other, though. Or that Esikko couldn't stand to take better care of himself, which brings them to their next point. Esikko states his desire to create pathways home, to free whoever wants to be freed—something Hiyori's largely given up on ever happening. How wonderful would it be if it did happen after all?
But he knows better now than to rely on one person for everything, so at Bakugo's words, he nods solemnly.]
Baku-kun's right.
[He pauses for a moment, a little hesitant about saying this next bit. But he already admitted he worries about Esikko. What's the harm in admitting when he first started worrying?]
... I felt bad when you got punished the first time. It made me worry about what would happen if you pushed too hard and got punished even worse in the future.
[It would've felt like his fault, in part.]
That's definitely the last thing you need now, so if you do use magic for something like that, at least don't go it alone. Alright? [He meets Esikko's eyes.] And first, rest up!
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( To both of them, at once, he relents, though it's clear he has a lot more on his mind. He's trying to have more of a filter, now that he's alive again, and he can recognize that some people care about him enough to not want to hear the negative things that surface too easily. That someone like him deserves the punishment, or that it's better if someone like him takes the brunt of the focus so other, kinder, more useful people don't have to...
It's strange. In some ways, it's his usual negativity that's persisted throughout his lifetimes, poisoned newly each time by the circumstances and treatment around him. In other ways, though, it's far less selfish than he used to be— he never would have cared about anyone else, before. He'd always tried to avoid harm himself, even if it meant those around him got hurt. So in a way, he's taking steps forward, changing his view on things, carefully trying to balance selfishness with being better.
Which means that, maybe he'll hold thoughts like that back a bit longer and actually think about them, first, before upsetting those around him. It's a start, even if it feels lonely right now. )
I'm having trouble sleeping, though. ( If his dark circles aren't evident enough of that. ) Do you suppose it's worth it, to stay here and have one of you fetch the things I need to make a sleep potion? Or should I just sneak out? They're draining all of my funds, making me sit here and telling me to make "booty calls", you know?
( Doctor advice!!! )
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Going home remains a long-term pipe dream. He refuses to give up hope they can make it happen, but can't help feel they'll be stuck in research and explore mode for a long time. Recent breakthroughs, like the heart reveal, keep him going.]
Tch. [And now Esikko's back in the damn basement. Bakugo tried keeping him out of the fucking place since it's so tempting for his nosy nature; easier to do when the prince was up in top floors with the other high ranks. But he's not the guy's keeper.
Good thing Esikko kept his mouth shut instead of dumping all that negative crap out of his mouth. Bakugo would've crammed his pillow down his throat for being a fucking bedsore. The guy's always been down on himself, something which pisses the hero off when people bitch and whine about their poor lot in life or personal faults. Especially if they do fuck about it but moan.]
Haa?! The hell do you mean by that? [His expression wrenches into an annoyed snarl, head lifting and shoulders rolling off the wall. Both arms drop, one hand coming up as sparks start crackling around his hand. All this fucking talking and emotional sap's been chewing away at his patience and temper. Esikko dropped a final straw.] They're keeping you here when you don't need to be?
[Ka-BOOOM! Deliberately stalling the prince's departure to encourage him into sex calls while sapping his fucking funds
what funds now that he's been revived-?!] If you can leave, then get your ass out of bed!(no subject)
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now with the correct tag (sorry)
I felt like a voyeur seeing that before... (don't be sorry it was fine!!)
You peeping...
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