( That link— normally Hiyori's the one suffering the blunt of it, lately. Esikko has had so much negativity, so much paranoia, so much ill fortune lately. But right now, Esikko can feel Hiyori's own panic so clearly. He waits, feels out the way it shifts from complete worry to something almost darkly pacified, and then he can't help but reach out. Even if he's bad at this, he has to try, right? )
Who knows. He hasn't checked the hour in a while. It's not as though he slept through the night. How could he, when there's more room in his bed than there's ever been during the past year-and-a-half?
He knows he needs to get up and get out. He doesn't have the right to sit around shocked. That won't accomplish anything, and he does have something to accomplish. But not now. Right now, he just can't. He's miserably lonely, but he doesn't want to see anyone and doesn't want to talk.
Or so he thinks, but when he hears the new notif, he does, after a pause, reach to pull up the message.
Ah, he thinks dully. So those emotions came through. His own words from a long time ago echo in his ear, the ones he said about how their connection would be great for Esikko. He'd get to experience Hiyori's sunnier emotions instead of just his gloomy ones, and wouldn't that be just wonderful? That didn't pan out, of course. But he can hardly muster the energy to feel badly about that now.]
( ...There's no relief, not even a sliver of it, at hearing that news. Instead, a pang of sorrow for Hiyori's sake, a realization connecting the rollercoaster of feelings, and a worry that's almost uncomfortable. It's hard work, caring about people here. But he does, and he has, even when he's tried not to. )
No. But yes. But no, but he hates being alone, even when he's miserable. He's never had to be ever since he arrived here, because Jun was always there. But he has to get used to this. He doesn't want to face anyone right now, and there's nothing to talk about. There's no sense in letting him in.
( He understands the hesitance, knows what the lack of words must mean. It's rare to see Hiyori so down, to feel it. And Esikko isn't exactly good at... helping people through things like this, but. That doesn't mean he can't be, right? Maybe he's learned. Maybe he can do something.
Or, if not, even just his body being there may help. So eventually, he comes to Hiyori's door and knocks. There is absolutely a bottle of vodka in his hand that he is going to suggest to help Hiyori, because that's how he copes (healthy), but it's fine if it's rejected, too. )
[He doesn't tell him not to come. Perhaps it's a sign of weakness. He really should get used to being alone, since that's how the rest of his life is going to be spent. But for now...
Well, for now there's a knock on the door. He slowly uncurls from his position on the couch and gets off, leaving his blanket behind. He walks over to the door without putting on slippers. He opens it.
Esikko looks like he's in better shape than he did in the hospital. He's also carrying alcohol. Neither observation gets voiced, even though Hiyori surely would've made a fuss about the alcohol if he was his normal self. "Hm? Esikko-kun, do you drink alcohol straight from the bottle? Don't tell me you're a sloppy drunk like Rinne-senpai! And that simply can't be good for your liver!"
No, right now he doesn't have the energy for theatrics, or even a greeting. He lets his guest in without speaking a word. He's not unkempt—it hasn't been long enough for that—but he's seen better days, judging from his dark circles, his rumpled hair and clothes, and his conspicuous silence.]
( ...What's he supposed to do? For a moment, Esikko just stares back at Hiyori, eyes concerned and running up and down him, eyebrows furrowed in focus. It's ridiculous. It should be so simple, just hug him, or something, right? But his leg twitches like he wants to try, and then he doubts himself and stops, and it all comes together as an awkward sort of sway and then a stumble into an actual step forward.
Just do something. Standing here isn't going to help at all.
He keeps the bottle in one hand at his side, but the other arm moves to wrap around Hiyori and pull him into a hug without more than a soft exhale. For a moment, silence fills, as Esikko tries to find the words with just as much difficulty as it took to find the action. )
I'm sorry.
( That he's gone, and also that he has no idea how to do this comforting thing. He's trying. )
I can't imagine how it feels, or offer any sort of wisdom, but... I can at least make sure you're not alone.
[Esikko can come in, if he wants. There's even an extra pair of slippers in the doorway. Extra shoes, too. The whole suite is like that: full of things that are Jun's, clothes and food and protein powder and prizes from the arcade. Over a year's worth of stuff which didn't disappear when Jun did, and no one's come to collect any of it. Will a staff member take his things eventually, or does that not happen when a disappeared guest was living in a current guest's suite? Something Hiyori has to wonder about. But anyway, Esikko can come in.
Or he can stay put, pulling him into a hug in the doorway.
Hiyori gets a bit of warning when Esikko stumbles that half-step towards him, but it's still faintly surprising. This hasn't happened before. Why, the only time he hugged Esikko himself was when... well, when he thought Esikko was a childhood friend.
He doesn't return it at first. Just stands there, thinking. He's not alone, huh? It's not easy to internalize, but in a dull sort of way, he realizes it's true. He may be stuck at the resort forever, like J and Jin Mingming, but there are still other guests around, still friends here. And while he doesn't have the energy to feel too appreciative of that right now, it is better than being truly alone.]
... mm.
[He hums in agreement, finally, slowly relaxing into the hug. Though he does mumble:]
Esikko-kun, you're cold.
[The inevitable complaining begins. But he's too exhausted to whine or really even care, so it's a feeble complaint.]
( He is cold, he imagines, and even though he can get some warmth from this hug, he imagines it might be less comfortable for Hiyori. Having so many fire users (or those adjacent and equally heated) have spoiled him to the idea of being able to hug them or latch onto them without concern, but despite himself, he does want Hiyori to be comfortable...
And so he allows his arms to drop back away, after a moment, and pulls himself back just enough to encourage Hiyori back inside his suite. )
Well, let's get warmer then. You know, I brought this alcohol in case you wanted to forget a bit and let loose, but it might make you feel warm, too. I don't suppose you have any tea or juice set aside...
( To mix with it...? It's interesting, that Esikko is clearly fumbling a little. He is NOT used to this. )
[Esikko was cold. And yet Hiyori doesn't feel any better after he lets go. Does he want someone to cling to, or would he rather be alone? Even he doesn't know. He wants...
His partner and his old life back, but that's not about to happen.
He turns his eyes slowly on the bottle. It takes him a moment to even realize what Esikko is talking about, and then he waves a hand in dismissal.]
I don't need that stuff.
[Then he pads back to the couch.
He can't bring himself to touch any of Jun's things, so those are still sitting out. The slippers, the shoes, the exercise gear. There is an electrical kettle and tea available—just on a table, since he isn't high-ranked enough for a kitchenette. Esikko should also hopefully notice his sunflowers: those are prominently displayed, and boy, have they grown. He sang to them daily after all, though he hasn't in the past twenty-four hours, something they've perhaps registered and find concerning. Interestingly, there are more sunflowers than Esikko originally gifted him: a few potted dwarf sunflowers sit next to the taller ones, also well-bloomed (and also magically infused). Looks like he has another supplier.
Hiyori brushes past the flowers and sits on the couch. He pulls one end of a blanket around himself, knitted and green with uneven edges. The other end, he holds out.]
You should come here if you want to get warm. I have my Aura, too, remember?
[The offer sounds somewhat rote, his face oddly blank. But he'd prefer this over getting drunk for warmth, something he knows will only lead to him crying for hours.]
( Spoken with a sigh, Esikko leaves the bottle on a nearby table before moving to take the other side of that blanket. He doesn't hesitate, this time, to scoot closer, though he is careful about where his cold skin touches. He can warm up underneath this blanket, and maybe Hiyori would feel nicer being able to help someone— maybe similarly to Bakugo? )
If this company is what helps you more, then I don't mind it.
( He just thought the alcohol might numb things, and he himself falls on that far too easily, he knows. But Hiyori is able to deal with things better than just running away, huh? Esikko sighs quietly, and then allows his weight to lean slightly towards Hiyori. As he does, his eyes travel the room, noting the flowers, both his own gifts and the others. )
How does someone as sunny as you deal with times like these?
[Was it strength the one time he got sloshed after Rinne disappeared and cried on multiple people at the Red Cardinal? He doesn't think so, but he's too tired to argue.
He isn't avoiding Esikko or his skin, for whatever that's worth. When he scoots next to him on the couch Hiyori leans against his side, letting go of the blanket and taking one of his hands.]
Well, I always knew something like this could happen. I just...
[He trails off.
He just what? What did he hope for? That they'd both beat the odds and somehow go home, even though their Game 52 progress was glacial? That they'd turn into statues together, or that he'd go first, before Jun? As soon as that last thought occurs to him, his stomach churns, and he feels so sick with guilt that Esikko might just feel it too. The idea of harboring such a selfish wish disgusts him. It's better this way, he reminds himself, no matter how badly it hurts. Since he's still here, he can use his Wish to save Jun.
He shakes off those thoughts, or tries to. It's time to focus on activating his Aura. All he needs to do is concentrate, and he'll warm them both right up, starting from where their hands are joined. But even though he focuses...
There's no warmth coming.]
... sorry. [He frowns.] I don't know why it's not working.
...Magic is affected by emotions, no matter the world.
( This aura thing, or anything else? How could he provide extra warmth while drowning in these negative feelings? Still, Esikko squeezes his hand back after a moment. )
But your hand is plenty warm, to me.
( He's not sure if it sounds stupid, saying it like that, mumbled like it's foreign for him to be saying anything even close. But what else can he do? It's true, so he thinks it's worth at least trying. Hiyori is naturally warmer than him— and Hiyori is naturally sunnier than him, too. So his company will always help, even if he doesn't think it is. That's the sort of message he's trying to get across. )
We don't have to say a word, if you'd rather not, you know. We can simply sit here, if that's enough.
[He says nothing in response to the first thing. Just looks sad and disappointed. He feels betrayed, almost. Wasn't his Aura always supposed to work? But it's true he can't concentrate on much right now, and it wouldn't be the strangest thing if it did stop. The girl who taught him how to use it is gone, after all. Her and so many other friends.
Will he disappear and turn into a statue, too? Before he even has a chance to save Jun...?
His stomach is a pit of anxiety. He's afraid of being trapped forever and afraid of disappearing. Either way, he fears being alone. So, as Esikko squeezes his hand back, says he is warm, and says they can just there... it does help soothe his nerves.]
... mm.
[The dejected look on his face hasn't gone away, but the clawing anxiety is kept at bay. Cold or not, it feels good to have someone by his side. And Esikko is saying he can lean on him, basically, so that's what Hiyori does: he squeezes his hand back, and then he finally slumps against Esikko's side, head coming to rest on his shoulder.]
Thanks. [Murmured softly.] I'll need more help at some point, but for now, this is good.
[Esikko's card is what he'll need. His card, so he can put it towards helping Jun. So he can make his Wish come true. But that's a long ways off, much as it frustrates him, so for now, this is enough.]
( All he can think to do is stay sitting and support Hiyori through this. Emotionally, and physically, allowing him to slump and lean against him without so much as a complaint.
He's not used to being a support, not much. There were times he'd have deep discussions with Dabi, but that was about it, wasn't it? Bakugo had listened to him vent about his own things various times, but never wanted to share about himself. It was only Dabi who trusted him enough to share a little about his own family, about his troubles, about his world. Little bits, here and there. And for that, it was easy to come up with suggestions: drinking, breaking things, going out and causing trouble to get their minds off of things.
Hiyori isn't soothed by chaos like that, is he? And so Esikko has to think extra hard about what might be best, and that effort is... foreign. New. Not bad, necessarily, but he's worried he might screw it up as he considers. However, all of that focus and concentration means that he's not worsening the feelings in their emotional connection at all— he's acting as a sturdy pillar. )
Well, I'll be here for when you need it, then. Until then, whether you want to talk as much as usual, or sit here unusually quiet, I don't mind.
( Surprisingly gentle... )
Actually, if it might help you to turn your own mind off for a while, I could ramble about a few things myself.
["Unusually quiet" isn't wrong; even Hiyori can acknowledge he talks a lot. So when Esikko proposes doing the talking for once, it's a switch. Something on his mind? Or is just for distraction?
Probably the second one. Either way Hiyori hums again, still curled up against his side.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text ; un: wildflower
Are you alright? Did something happen?
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Who knows. He hasn't checked the hour in a while. It's not as though he slept through the night. How could he, when there's more room in his bed than there's ever been during the past year-and-a-half?
He knows he needs to get up and get out. He doesn't have the right to sit around shocked. That won't accomplish anything, and he does have something to accomplish. But not now. Right now, he just can't. He's miserably lonely, but he doesn't want to see anyone and doesn't want to talk.
Or so he thinks, but when he hears the new notif, he does, after a pause, reach to pull up the message.
Ah, he thinks dully. So those emotions came through. His own words from a long time ago echo in his ear, the ones he said about how their connection would be great for Esikko. He'd get to experience Hiyori's sunnier emotions instead of just his gloomy ones, and wouldn't that be just wonderful? That didn't pan out, of course. But he can hardly muster the energy to feel badly about that now.]
Jun-kun's gone now, so.
[So?]
That's that.
no subject
Where are you?
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No. But yes. But no, but he hates being alone, even when he's miserable. He's never had to be ever since he arrived here, because Jun was always there. But he has to get used to this. He doesn't want to face anyone right now, and there's nothing to talk about. There's no sense in letting him in.
But in the end the loneliness wins out.]
My suite.
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( He understands the hesitance, knows what the lack of words must mean. It's rare to see Hiyori so down, to feel it. And Esikko isn't exactly good at... helping people through things like this, but. That doesn't mean he can't be, right? Maybe he's learned. Maybe he can do something.
Or, if not, even just his body being there may help. So eventually, he comes to Hiyori's door and knocks. There is absolutely a bottle of vodka in his hand that he is going to suggest to help Hiyori, because that's how he copes (healthy), but it's fine if it's rejected, too. )
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Well, for now there's a knock on the door. He slowly uncurls from his position on the couch and gets off, leaving his blanket behind. He walks over to the door without putting on slippers. He opens it.
Esikko looks like he's in better shape than he did in the hospital. He's also carrying alcohol. Neither observation gets voiced, even though Hiyori surely would've made a fuss about the alcohol if he was his normal self. "Hm? Esikko-kun, do you drink alcohol straight from the bottle? Don't tell me you're a sloppy drunk like Rinne-senpai! And that simply can't be good for your liver!"
No, right now he doesn't have the energy for theatrics, or even a greeting. He lets his guest in without speaking a word. He's not unkempt—it hasn't been long enough for that—but he's seen better days, judging from his dark circles, his rumpled hair and clothes, and his conspicuous silence.]
.....
[Off to a great start!]
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Just do something. Standing here isn't going to help at all.
He keeps the bottle in one hand at his side, but the other arm moves to wrap around Hiyori and pull him into a hug without more than a soft exhale. For a moment, silence fills, as Esikko tries to find the words with just as much difficulty as it took to find the action. )
I'm sorry.
( That he's gone, and also that he has no idea how to do this comforting thing. He's trying. )
I can't imagine how it feels, or offer any sort of wisdom, but... I can at least make sure you're not alone.
no subject
Or he can stay put, pulling him into a hug in the doorway.
Hiyori gets a bit of warning when Esikko stumbles that half-step towards him, but it's still faintly surprising. This hasn't happened before. Why, the only time he hugged Esikko himself was when... well, when he thought Esikko was a childhood friend.
He doesn't return it at first. Just stands there, thinking. He's not alone, huh? It's not easy to internalize, but in a dull sort of way, he realizes it's true. He may be stuck at the resort forever, like J and Jin Mingming, but there are still other guests around, still friends here. And while he doesn't have the energy to feel too appreciative of that right now, it is better than being truly alone.]
... mm.
[He hums in agreement, finally, slowly relaxing into the hug. Though he does mumble:]
Esikko-kun, you're cold.
[The inevitable complaining begins. But he's too exhausted to whine or really even care, so it's a feeble complaint.]
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( He is cold, he imagines, and even though he can get some warmth from this hug, he imagines it might be less comfortable for Hiyori. Having so many fire users (or those adjacent and equally heated) have spoiled him to the idea of being able to hug them or latch onto them without concern, but despite himself, he does want Hiyori to be comfortable...
And so he allows his arms to drop back away, after a moment, and pulls himself back just enough to encourage Hiyori back inside his suite. )
Well, let's get warmer then. You know, I brought this alcohol in case you wanted to forget a bit and let loose, but it might make you feel warm, too. I don't suppose you have any tea or juice set aside...
( To mix with it...? It's interesting, that Esikko is clearly fumbling a little. He is NOT used to this. )
no subject
His partner and his old life back, but that's not about to happen.
He turns his eyes slowly on the bottle. It takes him a moment to even realize what Esikko is talking about, and then he waves a hand in dismissal.]
I don't need that stuff.
[Then he pads back to the couch.
He can't bring himself to touch any of Jun's things, so those are still sitting out. The slippers, the shoes, the exercise gear. There is an electrical kettle and tea available—just on a table, since he isn't high-ranked enough for a kitchenette. Esikko should also hopefully notice his sunflowers: those are prominently displayed, and boy, have they grown. He sang to them daily after all, though he hasn't in the past twenty-four hours, something they've perhaps registered and find concerning. Interestingly, there are more sunflowers than Esikko originally gifted him: a few potted dwarf sunflowers sit next to the taller ones, also well-bloomed (and also magically infused). Looks like he has another supplier.
Hiyori brushes past the flowers and sits on the couch. He pulls one end of a blanket around himself, knitted and green with uneven edges. The other end, he holds out.]
You should come here if you want to get warm. I have my Aura, too, remember?
[The offer sounds somewhat rote, his face oddly blank. But he'd prefer this over getting drunk for warmth, something he knows will only lead to him crying for hours.]
no subject
( Spoken with a sigh, Esikko leaves the bottle on a nearby table before moving to take the other side of that blanket. He doesn't hesitate, this time, to scoot closer, though he is careful about where his cold skin touches. He can warm up underneath this blanket, and maybe Hiyori would feel nicer being able to help someone— maybe similarly to Bakugo? )
If this company is what helps you more, then I don't mind it.
( He just thought the alcohol might numb things, and he himself falls on that far too easily, he knows. But Hiyori is able to deal with things better than just running away, huh? Esikko sighs quietly, and then allows his weight to lean slightly towards Hiyori. As he does, his eyes travel the room, noting the flowers, both his own gifts and the others. )
How does someone as sunny as you deal with times like these?
no subject
He isn't avoiding Esikko or his skin, for whatever that's worth. When he scoots next to him on the couch Hiyori leans against his side, letting go of the blanket and taking one of his hands.]
Well, I always knew something like this could happen. I just...
[He trails off.
He just what? What did he hope for? That they'd both beat the odds and somehow go home, even though their Game 52 progress was glacial? That they'd turn into statues together, or that he'd go first, before Jun? As soon as that last thought occurs to him, his stomach churns, and he feels so sick with guilt that Esikko might just feel it too. The idea of harboring such a selfish wish disgusts him. It's better this way, he reminds himself, no matter how badly it hurts. Since he's still here, he can use his Wish to save Jun.
He shakes off those thoughts, or tries to. It's time to focus on activating his Aura. All he needs to do is concentrate, and he'll warm them both right up, starting from where their hands are joined. But even though he focuses...
There's no warmth coming.]
... sorry. [He frowns.] I don't know why it's not working.
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( This aura thing, or anything else? How could he provide extra warmth while drowning in these negative feelings? Still, Esikko squeezes his hand back after a moment. )
But your hand is plenty warm, to me.
( He's not sure if it sounds stupid, saying it like that, mumbled like it's foreign for him to be saying anything even close. But what else can he do? It's true, so he thinks it's worth at least trying. Hiyori is naturally warmer than him— and Hiyori is naturally sunnier than him, too. So his company will always help, even if he doesn't think it is. That's the sort of message he's trying to get across. )
We don't have to say a word, if you'd rather not, you know. We can simply sit here, if that's enough.
no subject
[He says nothing in response to the first thing. Just looks sad and disappointed. He feels betrayed, almost. Wasn't his Aura always supposed to work? But it's true he can't concentrate on much right now, and it wouldn't be the strangest thing if it did stop. The girl who taught him how to use it is gone, after all. Her and so many other friends.
Will he disappear and turn into a statue, too? Before he even has a chance to save Jun...?
His stomach is a pit of anxiety. He's afraid of being trapped forever and afraid of disappearing. Either way, he fears being alone. So, as Esikko squeezes his hand back, says he is warm, and says they can just there... it does help soothe his nerves.]
... mm.
[The dejected look on his face hasn't gone away, but the clawing anxiety is kept at bay. Cold or not, it feels good to have someone by his side. And Esikko is saying he can lean on him, basically, so that's what Hiyori does: he squeezes his hand back, and then he finally slumps against Esikko's side, head coming to rest on his shoulder.]
Thanks. [Murmured softly.] I'll need more help at some point, but for now, this is good.
[Esikko's card is what he'll need. His card, so he can put it towards helping Jun. So he can make his Wish come true. But that's a long ways off, much as it frustrates him, so for now, this is enough.]
no subject
He's not used to being a support, not much. There were times he'd have deep discussions with Dabi, but that was about it, wasn't it? Bakugo had listened to him vent about his own things various times, but never wanted to share about himself. It was only Dabi who trusted him enough to share a little about his own family, about his troubles, about his world. Little bits, here and there. And for that, it was easy to come up with suggestions: drinking, breaking things, going out and causing trouble to get their minds off of things.
Hiyori isn't soothed by chaos like that, is he? And so Esikko has to think extra hard about what might be best, and that effort is... foreign. New. Not bad, necessarily, but he's worried he might screw it up as he considers. However, all of that focus and concentration means that he's not worsening the feelings in their emotional connection at all— he's acting as a sturdy pillar. )
Well, I'll be here for when you need it, then. Until then, whether you want to talk as much as usual, or sit here unusually quiet, I don't mind.
( Surprisingly gentle... )
Actually, if it might help you to turn your own mind off for a while, I could ramble about a few things myself.
( Gossip, really. )
no subject
Probably the second one. Either way Hiyori hums again, still curled up against his side.]
Mm. Let's hear it.