[If they ever need help communicating, surely Rinne could assist them in using clearer language. "Just tell Sazanamin that ya want him to fuck ya stupid! Kyahaha!" <--- That's probably what he'd say.
But, you know, he does want more than that. If all he wanted from Jun was his body like a certain SOMEONE here then things wouldn't be so fraught. They'd collect each other's cards and move on with their lives. But the spoiled Hiyori Tomoe is much too greedy for that, and he decided long ago that he wants everything from Jun: Jun's loyalty and Jun's voice, Jun's body and future and heart. And of course, his love. Hiyori got all that and more, it seems, which might just make him the luckiest person in this casino.
He feels Jun walk into his waiting arms, tuck his head next to his. It's solid and warm, a sweet moment of intimacy and comfort in a place that's trying to deny them both those things. "When you feel anxious, there's nothing like letting someone hold you tight while you listen to the sound of their heartbeat," he'd said to Jun once. And it must have been true, since all his anxieties feel very far away at the moment. It's dangerous to let one's guard down in this place, but...
With Jun, it should be alright.
He wraps his arms loosely around Jun's shoulders and laughs at Jun's words, soft and pleased.]
Mm, yep. That's exactly what my love feels like ♪
[Butterflies form in his stomach. Unlike his usual "Work hard if you want to earn my love" comments, this is a more serious usage of the L-word. But it felt right to say it.]
[ Time for them to get their act together so Rinne-senpai's boisterous kyahaha's won't ruin the moment!
There are plenty of reasons why this could have ended with them collecting their cards and moving on. But, as expected, Jun would never want things to end there. Never wanting a single thing from Hiyori, only to stay by his side. If their passion for one another ended with the first time, the "Springtime" game, then it wasn't meant to be. Part of Jun did think he was delusional after the game ended, wondering if he imagined it all or if he was imagining just how much closer they'd gotten. The maze changed his mind about their feelings for one another, realising they weren't fleeting but real.
He keeps his head nestled against Hiyori's, ready for their heartbeats to become one. Here he can feel the rise and fall of Hiyori's chest, and the reminder of when Hiyori had said those words sinks in. How can they not be true? Any previous worry has long vanished, being replaced by an ever-comforting warmth. And with the sound of Hiyori's laugh, it's as if the sun itself is shining brighter, casting away any dark, lingering shadows.
Love, words spoken numerous of times before. In fact, there are plenty of times where he's teased Jun and plenty of times where he hasn't. But the seriousness sinks in, heart strumming loudly as if it might jump out, the pattering of Hiyori's loud against his ears. As it turns out, Hiyori's love has been the one thing holding him together from the moment they crossed paths up until now.
So this is Ohii-san's love. The warmth he's felt all this time. ]
Actually, the more I think 'bout your love, the more it makes sense. And it makes me wanna feel Ohii-san's love forever ♪
[ He wants it—to accept the love offered to him and return the same tenfold. ]
Who'd have thought your love was the one thing keeping me warm? Even now, I'm hoping you'll feel it, too. My "love"!
The warm feeling that's come over him now. The emotion that's gripped his heart these past two years. The thing that's overwhelmed him to the point of hugging his pillow alone in his room. That's the word for it.
He's been thinking about "love" more often recently. Love is what's missing from this place, he told Leo. "There's no one better at giving or receiving love," he told someone else here. He's been turning over the lyrics to his second solo in his free time, something he was working on at home that got put on the backburner so they could practice for SS. That song is about love, of course. The warm and all-accepting love he means to shower his fans with. But his love isn't just reserved for them, for Eden or his family.
It makes his stomach squirm a little, putting himself out there like that. But at this point he doesn't fear rejection. And sure enough, that's not at all what Jun gives him. He's silent for a moment, just taking in his partner's wonderful words, his breath stuck somewhere in his throat.]
Mm...
[But he finds his voice eventually. Still hugging Jun back, he confirms,]
I can feel it.
[Because he really can. It makes his voice unsteady and his knees weak, but he can; the boy he picked up like a stray dog two years ago really did come to love him. How miraculous is that?]
And since forever is what we promised, that's exactly what I'll give you.
[ Slowly, but surely, Jun's been showing more of his heart over the years. The feeling of loving someone—with the someone being Hiyori—hasn't been easy; it's been easier to ignore back home, where their jobs as idols take up all their free time. But love turned Jun around, making him into the idol he is today. Love helped mend his heart and his anger and gave him a purpose beyond being the Non-special, worthless, dirty, stray he used to be.
When Rinne-senpai returned, he began clearly expressing his feelings for Hiyori at the table. Over time, Jun's come to accept that his feelings for Hiyori were indeed love, which he now intends to embrace. And when he confided in Topaz about his feelings, she helped him realise this environment wasn't the source of them. And they'd always been there—something Jun knew from the beginning. He began talking about feelings with Topaz, who helped him understand that this place wasn't making him feel that way.
While vulnerability hardly comes easily, he can be vulnerable with Hiyori, knowing he will be accepted and loved for all his feelings and more. ]
You can? That's.. that's good, Ohii-san.
[ Despite his deep love for Hiyori, his fear of rejection held him back from confessing his feelings—until now. Love can be a daunting and all-consuming feeling, making him hyper-aware of Hiyori's actions. Yet, after nearly three years, he knows him well and remains unfazed by his partners behaviour, even when there are reasons he should be.
But Hiyori can feel his love, and that's all that matters. ]
And that's what I'm giving you too, Ohii-san. Not just the promise, but my heart and love forever.
["You can?" Jun asks, sounding surprised. Or maybe just overwhelmed, the same way Hiyori is. But he confidently answers,]
Yep! ♪
[And then he reaches for one of Jun's arms, wrapping a hand around his wrist and guiding Jun's hand over to the center of his chest. Aiming to place it right over his heart.]
Right here, I can feel it.
[It wasn't a guarantee. That Jun would come to love him, that is. Or that it'd be the same kind of love that Hiyori felt. That's why he's so overcome. Jun went above and beyond for him, of course. But was that out of love, or was it because that's what Hiyori demanded of him? Was it love or was it "gratitude" fueling Jun's tenderness towards him? Where does one even draw the line between those two emotions?
He used to think Nagisa didn't love him. That he was more like an overgrown duckling who'd imprinted on the first person to teach him things, who'd showed what it meant to live. In many ways, his relationship with Jun was similar. But he knows better now. The truth is that he's surrounded by love. And he's incredibly, unbelievably happy. He couldn't possibly be happier!
At least not until Jun promises him his heart and his love forever, and then he somehow finds a way.]
Oh, really?
[Surprise flickers across his face before he breaks into an even bigger, even more beautiful, impossibly-brighter smile. There's only one thing he can say.]
[ It is overwhelming, mostly as now he can confidently say the feeling deep inside his chest happens to be love! Or rather, connecting the dots over the past few months, he can now express his feelings with absolute certainty, there's no room left for doubt.
From feeling so unsure to accepting the love given, listening to Hiyori's confident tone helps, realising it would be illogical to reject his love. But love can be intimidating, as it can easily be mistaken and confused for other emotions such as gratitude. Another important reason for Jun to have utter confidence in his love, especially when Hiyori already had his heart long before today.
His heart beats even faster, if possible, but he feels it. ]
Mhm, I'm really happy you can feel it.
[ Tone soft, taking a deep breath, Jun half curls his fingers against the hand right on his heart. Having Hiyori here with him feels comforting, the same way he's always felt, the same way he'll always feel.
Feeling this way is easy, he realises when the surprise flickering across Ohii-san's face breaks into an even bigger, brighter smile. A smile so beautiful has Jun catching his breath, a short tinkle of laughter following. ]
I could say the same thing, y'know? 'Cause now I've got you, I'm not boutta give you up for anybody or anything ♪
[ Also a promise and a threat, knowing this isn't an ideal place for their love to blossom. But Jun couldn't care less, he's going to defy the House every step of the way, especially now his feelings are returned. ]
Call it intuition, if ya want, but I've got a real good feeling 'bout us.
[Jun's palm feels warm against his chest, and he in turn wonders if Jun can feel his heartbeat through the cloth. Right now it's racing just as fast as it would during a live show. It's like that because of Jun!
Either way, his big, beaming smile is going nowhere. Not when Jun says he won't give him up for anyone; he's overjoyed to hear it, rather. These days, he isn't riddled with anxiety that Jun will choose someone else. Maybe a month or two ago, but not now, after Jun held his hand in a flower maze and called him beautiful. Not after he said that thing on the Network about taking a "shot" with someone who was most definitely him. And certainly not after hearing him talk about his "love." He'll trust in Jun's words, in the warmth of Jun's hand, in the way Jun looks at him—all of it. All those wonderful things are just for him to enjoy.
But, you know, despite trusting his partner, it's still nice to hear Jun won't be "giving him up" for any boys who called him cute on his profile or girls who think they're game characters!]
Good.
[A simple response, but with plenty of conviction behind it.]
Because I want you to hold on tight without ever letting go.
[He squeezes Jun's hand. This isn't the ideal environment for love, it's true. But neither was Reimei Academy, or a unit built with nothing but profitability in mind. They can handle it here. He believes in their ability to make something wonderful bloom in even the dreariest of circumstances.]
... I'm sure this place would test a lot of people. But I have absolute faith that Jun-kun will stay the same person I find so lovable. The one I chose as my partner ♪
[It's not quite "the person I fell in love with," but it's a start.]
[ He can feel something through the layers of fabric, despite his hand shaking only slightly. There's warmth and kindness beneath his fingertips.
Confessing his feelings, despite the risks, has lifted a weight off his shoulders, as he no longer worries about rejection or hiding how he truly feels. Gradually opening his heart to Hiyori seemed easier than he expected, without Jun ever fully realising. There was something special about Hiyori that had the unique ability to turn him into a lovesick fool—but despite the challenges posed by their careers and current environment, reaching this pivotal moment seemed effortless. Their bond had never been stronger.
Honestly, he'd probably feel a little embarrassed if he ever found out Hiyori knew what he'd written on the post, but that self-disclosure was a key factor in the decision to confess his feelings. So why not allow them to find happiness together? He hopes Hiyori can trust him and his words because they will never be broken. ]
Don't worry, Ohii-san, I don't ever plan on letting go.
[ A simple response has him smiling, knowing their bond is unbreakable. Although neither place back home provided an ideal environment, there is a positive feeling between them. Wishing he had been more forthright about his feelings earlier, but dwelling on what could have been will not change anything. It feels good to have those words reiterated; knowing they can work through this, and things will unfold as they had hoped, perhaps even exceeding their expectations.
He breathes in, affectionately rubbing his nose against Hiyori's. ]
That's precisely why I've got a good feeling 'bout us. So I'm gonna make sure no one comes in and thinks they can ruin what we've got! It's like you said, I've got faith Ohii-san's gonna stay the same, too. And if you don't, I'll drag ya back down to reality. Got it?
[Yes. Well. It's probably for the best that Hiyori never goes back to look at Jun's threads on that Network post for other reasons, too...
If he gets the urge to reread a conversation, though, it's going to be this one from last month. The one where Jun first said all sorts of wonderful things to him, from "My mind races with all the things I wanna do by your side" to "My heart is just filled with you." The one where he said that his words during SS weren't just about singing. The one where he promised to stay by him forever, just as he's promising him again now.
All of that helped prepare him for him Jun's in-person confession, making sure it didn't reduce him to a blushing mess (that would've been embarrassing). But it still feels almost unreal to have Jun nuzzling him sort of like a cat and promising not to let go. It makes his heart vibrate with affection.
But it also soothes his anxieties. Especially what Jun says at the end. He spends much of his time worried about Jun, but he's also been worried about the impact this place might have on him. What if when he leaves, he can't go back to being "the idol called Hiyori Tomoe"? What if he's become too jaded, too cynical, too dirty? What if his shine is gone and he's no longer the dazzling existence his fans love? These worries would be haunting him a lot more if Jun wasn't there, but thanks to his partner's presence, they're barely present most of the time.
Jun keeps him grounded. He knows that. And he'll just have to keep doing the same for Jun.]
Mm.
[He hums softly, leaning his nose against Jun's.]
I'm glad you can say that, despite everything that's happened. ... I don't like that Jun-kun got taken and put in a place like this, but I'm glad to have you here with me.
[A pause, and then he continues:]
After we got here, me and Leo-kun had a conversation about staying "ourselves" in this place. He pointed out that some of the longer-term guests seem like they've been brainwashed. And he said that if he ever loses interest in composing, that'll be a sign he's no longer himself.
[He keeps Jun's hand in a squeeze. It's sort of a depressing topic, but he figures it's relevant.]
I guess in my case, it'd be something like "if I'm not looking out for Jun-kun, or I stop wanting Jun-kun as my partner, then that's a sign I'm no longer myself." That's how important an existence you've become to me. But I do have faith those things won't ever happen. The House can throw all manner of distractions at us, but they can't take away our feelings for each other.
[ Perhaps it is a good thing Jun hardly remembers the other thing he was posting about (or with) during that Network post.
The good news is that he has been re-reading those comments repeatedly, especially the last one Hiyori wrote before disappearing. (Only to see him later in the evening for dinner, where something was knowing, something real between them.) Jun meant every word in those messages; not only was he trying to gauge Hiyori's potential reaction, but he also thought it helped him realise their feelings might be mutual. Even if the scary thought about an in-person confession lingered, the depths of his feelings were getting too much, as if threatening to consume him entirely, leaving him desperate to convey them at last.
Despite the risks, his love for Hiyori is unwavering. Even if this situation were to ruin them both, even if their secrets were discovered upon their return, Jun would continue loving Hiyori no matter the consequences. Nothing could ever stop his feelings; an intense, overwhelming love between them.
But there is a sense of relief in hearing those words come from his partner. Brainwashing isn't quite the most happy of topics, though there is an understanding there. In complete agreement, Jun nods and responds by lightly kissing Hiyori's lips. He can't quite help himself, being this close, nuzzling again as the familiar warmth lingers.
Hiyori has also become a significant figure in his life. Someone important—the most important person—more than he's willing to admit. ]
Well, the same applies to me! If I quit wanting to do things for you or start saying anything 'bout not wanting to stick by your side, you'll know something's wrong. And I'd want ya to break me outta it, even if you've gotta be violent 'bout it! You've become the sorta person who I'll always wanna be 'round, 'cause I'm always thinking 'bout you.
[ The same as he told Hiyori through texts—an embarrassing amount. ]
And I'm with you, Ohii-san, no matter what goes on with this place. We just gotta remember we've got one another's backs! Plus, they'll never be able to take away our feelings for one another, 'cause we won't let 'em ♪
[ But it is rather a good thing none of those things are real. ]
It's scary, Ohii-san. And I gotta say I'm pretty scared 'bout relationships and all the stuff that'll come with being in one, 'cause I dunno what I'm doing or where we'll go. But it feels right, to be with you! And I know we'll figure it out together, won't we?
[Careful about telling a Spades suit they're welcome to get violent with you.
... not that Hiyori feels any such urges right now, least of all towards his loving partner. The talk of brainwashing really is a mood killer, but Jun responds with a kiss anyway, short yet sweet enough to make his head go fuzzy. If it weren't already fuzzy from all of Jun's sweet words, that is.
It's not so fuzzy he's incapable of teasing, though.]
... mm, got it!
[He hums cheerfully, forehead still leaning against Jun's, his smile turned sly.]
If I ask Jun-kun to do something, but he says it's a pain or he doesn't want to, then that's a sign his brain isn't working! So, I'll flick him upside the forehead! ♪ Or gently thwap the back of his head. Whichever~ ♪
[Hopefully that bit of silliness will dissolve some of the heaviness brought on by the topic change.
He thinks about moving Jun's hand away from his chest, guiding it back down to his side so they can hold hands without it being quite so serious. Then Jun says that thing about being scared, and instead he lets it stay resting over his heart. Jun probably can't feel the way it reacts to his use of the word "relationship," but Hiyori sure can, his chest constricting as though Jun reached directly inside him, closed a hand around his heart and squeezed.]
Yep~. It feels completely right. For me to be Jun-kun's first, that is.
[First kiss that he knows of, first time, first relationship. First "partner." He's greedy and selfish enough that he's thrilled to claim all of Jun-kun's firsts. Though he also adds,]
And for you to be my first.
[Because that's true, too. He already admitted it when he said he'd never been on a "journey" like this before. It figures that Jun, whom he'd already been treating as a "partner" for more than just singing, would be the one he commits to. Jun, whom he's so determined to tether to his side. Jun, whom he thought was "beautiful" and felt captivated by from the very start, before Jun had done anything for him and before they'd even said a word to each other.
Hiyori's not ready to admit that yet. He feels readier now than he would have at home, but he'd rather keep that under wraps for a little while. It's still somehow embarrassing, admitting how long Jun's had his heart. But it's that knowledge—the knowledge that Jun can steal his heart just with his dazzling existence—that Hiyori feels compelled to tell him not to worry, and he tries to tie that back to what he said before about the resort.]
So, because we make perfect sense together, I wouldn't fret too much. As you said, we'll figure it out. All Jun-kun really needs to do is stay true to himself. And then we'll go back together to the place where we belong ♪
... It's not just for Nagisa-kun, Ibara, and our fans' sakes that we get back. It's for our own sake, too. I'm happy here when I'm with Jun-kun, but I'm sure we can be even happier at home.
[He laces their fingers together tight and smiles, staring right into Jun's eyes as he says his last piece.]
Achieving your dream alongside the one you love sounds like something from a manga, doesn't it? I struggle to think of anything more romantic than that... ♪
[Hopefully their fans will see it his way. Not anytime soon, but some day in the distant future.]
[ The talk of how to realise if one of them has been brainwashed hasn’t made him realise how important it’ll become in case one of them does. Truthfully, should they not have more resilience? They’re idols, not some kind of “normal” person who would be easily swayed by temptation. They are the temptation!
He half-laughs, far too happy about being close to complain. But maybe… ]
Well, it’s more like if I don’t end up doing those things. ‘Cause I still complain but do ‘em!
[ Truthfully, he hardly minds running errands, stopping whatever he’s doing or anything else for Ohii-san’s whimsical sake. If Jun truly had issues, he’d have plenty of reasons to deny any request’s given.
But as is, he doesn’t.
And as this stands, Jun hastily confirms how afraid relationships are for him. As someone afraid of losing someone special, the special someone being Ohii-san, there is a fair chance this may not work out. Deep inside his psyche, the biggest fear would be losing Hiyori over something as silly as their current situation. There always will be a fear of losing someone you love, and that would be the worst, most soul crushing fear.
But having the reassurance, the words telling him otherwise will make the fear subside. It does as much when Hiyori begins speaking, telling him all the wonderful things about being one another’s firsts. (Or Jun, it’s really none of his business who Hiyori has been with before him.) ]
Mhm, I’m real glad all my “firsts” was with someone I love.
[ His cheeks burn admitting to it, and he hasn’t a chance to stop himself before the words come out. But meaning those words will never stop their meaning. Jun loves him, he knows this for certain. There is no point of him denying how he feels when being loved back feels like home.
It makes perfect sense for them to be together, with the happiness of them being together outweighing the rest. He wishes he could feel Hiyori’s rapid heart beats, the same as his own heart beats faster with each word. ]
We do make perfect sense together, so I’ll do my best and we’ll figure out how it’s gonna go. I promise I’m always gonna stay true to myself, I’ll never lose sight of us.
Yep, we’ll be even stronger back home, not worrying ‘bout what’s going on day to day. I’m also happy being here with Ohii-san, but we’ve got this shared goal of making it home.
[ He smiles, fondly, allowing his partner to lace their hands together. He stares back, rubbing circles across his palm and nodding. But he can’t help tease, ]
Have ya been reading some sorta shoujo manga, Ohii-san~? But it sorta does, except this is our life, so achieving the same dream sounds pretty good to me. ‘Specially when you’re the only person who can make me feel loved.
[ Yes, he couldn’t think of anything more romantic. ]
Edited (phone tags ruined my life) 2024-06-28 23:53 (UTC)
Is that so? Hmm, alright! Sounds easy enough to remember. "If Jun-kun complains, but still does it, then he's still the same old Jun-kun! But if he doesn't do it, he's not Jun-kun, whether he complained or not!" Makes perfect sense to me.
[Yep. He's still teasing. He doesn't actually mind if Jun complains sometimes. It's part of their back-and-forth!
But the teasing ends fast, because that "all my firsts were with someone I love" line completely decimates him.
He blushes harder, now. A fierce, luminescent blush. They've said the word "love" a few times now, but somehow that direct phrasing just does him in. Jun-kun said "someone I love." He has someone he loves and that "someone" is him.]
M... Mm.
[He struggles to even hum in response. His heartbeat is so frenzied that he's sure Jun must be able to feel it thundering.]
I still remember what Jun-kun said before. About wanting it to be with someone he cares about "deeply." So, I'm glad I could be Jun-kun's...
[He trails off. His voice is on the verge of cracking; this is so embarrassing. But maybe it's fine to get a little emotional. Isn't it? His secret love was returned. His secret fears never came to fruition. His worries that Jun would fall prey to the resort's corrupting influence, or he'd become jaded and cold, or he'd get hurt or used up by someone, or he'd fall in love with someone else here and choose that person over Eden and over him... None of that ever happened. None of that ever will happened. Jun is his.
And he's the one Jun loves.
Forget being on the verge of cracking. By the time Jun reaches the end, saying he's the only person who's made him feel loved, he's fully cracked. He might tear up if this goes on! Talk about embarrassing!]
... sorry, but I need to hug you tight for a bit.
[That's all the warning Jun gets before Hiyori flings both arms around his middle and squeezes hard, burying his face next to Jun's. He doesn't have a pillow to hug, but that's okay. Jun-kun's here, so he'll hug Jun-kun!
Being a replacement pillow is a job for his lover, after all.]
[ The logic seems sound enough, despite the teasing, knowing it to be part of their back-and-forth. But there are some truths behind the teasing, at least for Jun.
He smiles, fondly watching as the blush shows on his partner’s cheeks. Hiyori’s so cute that his heart rattles loudly beneath his chest, as if it’s thundering, almost done in by Hiyori’s expression.
Those words are for Hiyori Tomoe only, he’s the person he loves, the person he’s fallen in love with, and the person’s side he’s diligently stayed by from the beginning. ]
Well, being honest with you, you’re someone I’ve cared ‘bout deeply for a real long time. My feelings sorta took me longer to figure out, more than I woulda thought, so thanks for being patient with me.
[ It is fine for them to become emotional, and deal with the embarrassment later. But no part of Jun believes in it. Having your love returned, a secret love at that, feels close to something pulled out of a fairy tale, or shoujo manga. He’d rather die than fall prey to the casinos influence. Something would have to be wrong with Jun if he ever chose someone over Eden, Eve and, above all else, his beloved partner. Truthfully, he’s had the same fear, of being replaced by someone lesser, someone who would never be able to keep up with Hiyori, or take care of him the way he should be treated and loved. His biggest concern and fear would be losing Hiyori, and he never wants to have that come to pass.
This hasn’t been easy, admittedly for a person like Jun. Being able to recognise his love has been the best, most rewarding experience of his entire life. Especially after hearing the ways the person he loves, with all his heart, reacts. Hearing the cracking of words, watching the blush, he can safely say he’s committing the sight to memory, never wanting to forget.
But admitting those soft, sweet words are the truth. No one has ever made him feel loved the way Hiyori does, and further admitting the importance of his existence and love, has him feeling so loved.
Chuckling under his breath, he catches him in his arms, squeezing Hiyori tightly in his embrace. ]
Don’t worry, Ohii-san, ‘cause you can hold me tight whenever you wanna. Nothing would make me happier.
[ And Jun feels rather comfortable admitting outright how much he can and wants the warmth of his boyfriend's embrace. ]
[He's clung onto Jun at home before, treating him sort of like a squeeze toy. But Jun-kun usually doesn't cling back. So, this is a first.
He keeps his arms wrapped tight around him, remembering that time two months ago when they discovered the suit tattoos. After seeing Jun's tattoo for the first time, he was hit with a rush of anger and worry. He'd thrown his arms around Jun, promising not to let anything happen to him. Jun wasn't the resort's property; he still belonged to Eden, to Hiyori. That was the message he wanted to send.
But of course it went both ways. Jun belongs to him, but he also belongs to Jun. Hiyori changed the course of Jun's life when he picked him up, but Jun changed him in just as many ways. Leaving so many "marks," imprints that won't ever fade. Effortlessly endearing himself and making him fall in love.
He knew he'd changed Jun, but he hadn't known if he'd changed him like that. Now he hears that he has, as Jun confesses he's probably had feelings for him for a while. That stirs Hiyori's heart. Perhaps it makes him feel a bit relieved, deep down, too. So it wasn't just this place, these circumstances. Jun already loved him. Which means he would've ended up right here in Hiyori's arms no matter what. Isn't that right?]
Any time.
[He smiles a tiny smile. Jun can't see it, of course. But hopefully he can hear it in his words.]
I don't usually like being made to wait. But some things in life are worth waiting for, and Jun-kun's heart was one of them... ♪
[He closes his eyes, relishing the feeling of those arms holding him tight.]
So if Jun-kun ever falls behind me, I'll simply wait for you to catch up again. And then you can carry us both across the finish line ♪
[ Jun usually found physical contact difficult, unsure how to react when Hiyori hugged him. Normally, he would have pushed him away or responded with sarcasm. But this time, he felt no need to do either.
Instead, he clings back, revelling in the warmth of the hug, savouring the comfort their embrace has provided. It felt right to be open to his emotions, even to the point of wanting to cry. After all, the bond between them had blossomed into full-fledged love.
There's no doubt Jun has changed for the better. His mind, feelings, and very being have been challenged and transformed by this love, and knowing with certainty this is real, not a product of the casino's influence. Those feelings existed long before here, but not being able to pinpoint an exact moment when his feelings changed, knowing is enough.
Once Hiyori's done speaking, he manages a half-choked up laugh. ]
Even when I'm tryna say something nice, you're still making it 'bout you. Good thing I don't mind much ♪
[ As he closes his eyes tighter, the fondness grows even stronger, enveloping him in an even warmer embrace. ]
But my heart has always been yours, Ohii-san, from the moment we met.
[ Which means he would've ended up right in Hiyori's arms eventually, even if it took him forever and a day to confess. With a gentle touch, he tenderly traces soothing circles on the small of Hiyori's back, smiling softly, even though he can't see Jun's expression, either. ]
Good thing I don't plan on falling behind, but I wouldn't mind carrying us both across the "finish line" you're talking 'bout. We've made it towards our own finish line now, and I kinda prefer our ending.
[Ah. It's not just him. Jun sounds a little choked up, too. And here he'd been embarrassed by his own emotions.
It still feels surreal. For Jun to have felt the same way he did, just as strongly, all along. But he's past the point of questioning it. No more wondering if Jun's romantic words are a part of some fever dream, or a result of the House's manipulations: he knows better, and he couldn't be happier to bask in Jun's love.
But he will add one more thing.]
Mm. I like the sound of "our ending." But I also feel the need to outdo you. So...
[He pauses deliberately, smiling over Jun's shoulder, his arms still squeezing Jun tight.]
If I say my heart's belonged Jun-kun since before we ever met... then how does that sound? Fufufu! ♪
[He smiles and laughs, knowing those words probably sounded like a goofy sweet nothing, like joking around, like teasing. But he meant them in his own way, and one day he'll tell Jun just how sincere they were. One day.]
[ Nope, he feels just as choked up as Hiyori sounds. Here, they can be embarrassed together, even though feeling such deep emotions is normal.
He's relieved he and Hiyori have finally opened up to share their long-repressed feelings. For Jun, loving someone meant making them the top priority and being willing to do anything for them, even if it was sometimes irritating and prompted complaints. After much self-doubt, Jun no longer questioned whether his intense feelings were misguided or if the noticeable changes in their relationship were only a figment of his imagination. ]
Mhm, 'course you do ♪
[ Basking in Hiyori's warm embrace, Jun laughs happily. Yet, curiously, what could Hiyori's words mean? Were they playful banter, or did they hold a deeper meaning? Unwilling to bother, Jun takes his partner's remarks at face value, assuming Hiyori is only joking around. ]
I think it sounds pretty nice. So I got no choice but to accept, 'cause Ohii-san's saying something sweet.
[ He presses his nose into Hiyori's shoulder, words muffled as he smiles into his shirt. One day he hopes to know what it means, but for now, he'll accept. ]
[That's about the reaction he expected. That, or "What does that even mean?" But it looks like Jun's not in the mood to playfully bicker or make fun of him. Perhaps even Jun could sense that there was some real emotion behind those words.
Or perhaps not. Either way, Hiyori accepts it!]
Mmhm ♪ Jun-kun's got no choice but to accept my love. For now and forever ♪
[A reference to his solo song. Something that hadn't finished production before they got kidnapped. He's been refining the lyrics recently; maybe he'll sing them for Jun sometime. Maybe he'll do a lot of things. But for now, he'll just keep basking in the warmth of their shared love, until Jun goes back to doing whatever he was doing before or the staff member shows up to install the canopy above his bed.]
[ There's some interest in what Hiyori might mean, as it stands, he's not in the mood to playfully bicker or poke fun. Besides, to his knowledge, they hadn't seen one another until Hiyori came looking for him! But still, he knows how to read a mood.
And even when he finds out the truth, he'll accept it! ]
I'm gonna accept your love and return it! And, well, even if I had no other choice I would. Things just make sense when we're together and you're holding me, saying something nice like forever. And we're a forever sorta deal!
[ Because he may not be able to articulate it eloquently, but when they're together, everything seems to fall in line. He may not know about Hiyori's next solo song, though, he'll want to hear it. Whether the lyrics are finished or not! Accepting Hiyori's love was the first step, and he's ready to embrace and continue basking in their shared love.
Maybe they can't stay here hugging all day, but he's never going to let go of Hiyori now their love is mutual. Not while he feels safe and warm, hoping Hiyori can still feel the warmth of his love. ]
I don't wanna leave Ohii-san for a second, not while he's holding me tightly. But I promise once I'm done with my workout, I'm gonna come back and you'll have the privilege of holding me real tight all you want. For all night, if you wanna...!
[ Which includes kissing and anything else they want to do! He's offering himself up for the taking, knowing Hiyori will make him feel loved, no matter what. ]
[Yep. They definitely need to let go at some point. But he's not in the mood to yet, so he'll keep on hugging Jun! Hugging him, sharing warmth, and listening to his wonderful words. Words like "I'm gonna accept your love," and "We're a forever sort of deal." Hiyori won, basically. He won against the House, who wanted Jun to play the field, and he won against anyone else who might be interested in him. Now is the time to bask in his victory.
Though there may be one opponent remaining: the gym. Of course Jun has to go and mention his workout routine! But Hiyori's still so overjoyed he can't even tease or sulk about it. And Jun hasn't run to the gym yet, so for now, he'll continue to bask and to hear even more wonderful words. Like "You'll have the privilege of holding me real tight" and "For all night if you wanna"—
Er.
Wait.
That last combination of words makes his brain stutter to a halt. Did Jun-kun mean actual holding? Or was it an euphemism? If so, what kind of euphemism? Did he mean it the same way Hiyori sort-of meant it? Did he even understand how Hiyori sort-of meant it?! Should he ask?
Nope. Of course he won't.]
... great!
[He responds with enthusiasm! Though his voice might be a tad flustered.]
All night long, we'll hold each other! Sounds good!
[(In reality, there will be no penetration of any kind until the night after Weiss's party. But that's okay. There's no rush!)]
[ And he's not in the mood to leave yet, so he'll continue to permit the hug. Wanting to bask in their shared warmth and hoping this feeling never ends. "There isn't much thought being put into his words, only expressing what first comes to mind with how he truly feels. The feeling of love is genuine. Wanting to be with Hiyori forever is sincere, and there is no one else he wants to love in his lifetime. In other words, Hiyori won!
Jun doesn't fully grasp the meaning behind Hiyori's euphemism. But his was also sort of an euphemism! Maybe not in the same way Ohii-san sort of meant it. ... at least not tonight! Not that Jun quite understands he has permission now. Jun thinks Ohii-san means what they did together during that week, where they held one another, and uh, did those things together! But truthfully, he wouldn't mind them holding one another euphemisms aside.
... or confusion aside!
Wouldn't it be easier to come out and say what he means? Probably! Maybe he needs to be more clear. He half-thinks he understands what Hiyori is implying, but they're not yet ready to take the next step, even if that's ultimately where they both hope to end up. (The case being with the gifts received from the Flower Maze to "encourage" them.)
Besides, they will get there... one day! ]
Yeah! I, uh, also mean what we did during our week together. But 'course we don't hafta do it tonight.
[ He sounds nervous, admitting to having those thoughts about Hiyori. But he had them during the week, had them after and will always have them.
Maybe feeling awkward would better suit his tone; he's trying to avoid using words Ohii-san would consider "crude," but it's not coming out as he'd like. ]
Ohii-san, what I'm tryna say is... if there's an "urge" and you wanna feel good! Well, I'm saying we can.
[He actually said it, causing Hiyori to stiffen up with surprise. Which, well, thank goodness someone's trying to be an effective communicator. Hiyori's generally of the opinion that it's better to hint than be explicit; such are the laws of fanservice. But it's a relief to know exactly what Jun meant, and to realize they're both on the same page.
Even if it does worsen the blush on his cheeks.
He holds the position a moment, still with his face tucked next to Jun's, before drawing back enough to see each other. Jun's own embarrassed smile effortlessly endears.
Though "if there's an urge and you wanna feel good" isn't exactly sweet talk. It's clumsy and boorish-sounding! Yet it's also just the thing to lighten the mood.]
I heard you loud and clear the first time!
[Hiyori chides without sounding mad. On the contrary, he's smirking.]
But Jun-kun's not wrong.
[He leans their foreheads together again, lowering his voice.]
I always feel good when I'm with him. And I'm sure he'll make me feel ve~ry good tonight.
[ If he didn't say it, who else would? Jun wants to be 100% certain they're on the same page, even though he's usually avoidant about his feelings. They could tip-toe about what they meant forever, or Jun could get over it and say what he meant.
But even then, he can't stop talking. Because what if that's not what Hiyori wants? There's no indication he doesn't, which is only Jun's fear taking hold again. Sometimes he can't figure out what Hiyori wants, and in this case, he has been skirting around the topic.
Perhaps if Jun knew how to put it into better words, it wouldn't come out clumsy and "boorish-sounding." He's not the type to eloquently string together words, it's only that he's avoiding using simple ones. ]
Well, I never know with you. I just wanted to make sure we were thinking the same, Ohii-san, 'cause I didn't wanna make an idiot outta myself.
[ He laughs, despite being chided. Thankfully he can tell Hiyori isn't mad, and he feels better for getting to the point. At least one of them did! His cheeks burn, half looking up as he nods. ]
It makes me feel better hearing that, y'know? I'm still learning, but I want Ohii-san to feel good. I wanna remember the way you look forever ♪ And I'm gonna do my best tonight for ya, too.
[If Jun didn't say it, neither of them would. They'd be forced to go to Rinne or someone else for help with dirty talk. And that would be tortuously embarrassing, so Jun taking the initiative is truly for the best!
... Really, it is for the best. It means he gets to see Jun's cheeks burn, hear him laugh. And it means they're both on the same page about what they'll be doing tonight. Jun can stay over, just as he did during the Springtime game.
And just as he'll do for so many more nights afterwards, when his suite becomes their suite.
The look in his eyes becomes less sly, more gentle. They're still talking about sex, but Jun saying he'll do his best for his sake makes him feel all soft.]
I know you will. You're Jun-kun, after all.
[He closes his eyes, smiling gently, feeling truly happy despite of everything that's gone wrong these past few months.]
I'll do my best, too. To make sure Jun-kun can't take his eyes off me ♪
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But, you know, he does want more than that. If all he wanted from Jun was his body like a certain SOMEONE here then things wouldn't be so fraught. They'd collect each other's cards and move on with their lives. But the spoiled Hiyori Tomoe is much too greedy for that, and he decided long ago that he wants everything from Jun: Jun's loyalty and Jun's voice, Jun's body and future and heart. And of course, his love. Hiyori got all that and more, it seems, which might just make him the luckiest person in this casino.
He feels Jun walk into his waiting arms, tuck his head next to his. It's solid and warm, a sweet moment of intimacy and comfort in a place that's trying to deny them both those things. "When you feel anxious, there's nothing like letting someone hold you tight while you listen to the sound of their heartbeat," he'd said to Jun once. And it must have been true, since all his anxieties feel very far away at the moment. It's dangerous to let one's guard down in this place, but...
With Jun, it should be alright.
He wraps his arms loosely around Jun's shoulders and laughs at Jun's words, soft and pleased.]
Mm, yep. That's exactly what my love feels like ♪
[Butterflies form in his stomach. Unlike his usual "Work hard if you want to earn my love" comments, this is a more serious usage of the L-word. But it felt right to say it.]
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There are plenty of reasons why this could have ended with them collecting their cards and moving on. But, as expected, Jun would never want things to end there. Never wanting a single thing from Hiyori, only to stay by his side. If their passion for one another ended with the first time, the "Springtime" game, then it wasn't meant to be. Part of Jun did think he was delusional after the game ended, wondering if he imagined it all or if he was imagining just how much closer they'd gotten. The maze changed his mind about their feelings for one another, realising they weren't fleeting but real.
He keeps his head nestled against Hiyori's, ready for their heartbeats to become one. Here he can feel the rise and fall of Hiyori's chest, and the reminder of when Hiyori had said those words sinks in. How can they not be true? Any previous worry has long vanished, being replaced by an ever-comforting warmth. And with the sound of Hiyori's laugh, it's as if the sun itself is shining brighter, casting away any dark, lingering shadows.
Love, words spoken numerous of times before. In fact, there are plenty of times where he's teased Jun and plenty of times where he hasn't. But the seriousness sinks in, heart strumming loudly as if it might jump out, the pattering of Hiyori's loud against his ears. As it turns out, Hiyori's love has been the one thing holding him together from the moment they crossed paths up until now.
So this is Ohii-san's love. The warmth he's felt all this time. ]
Actually, the more I think 'bout your love, the more it makes sense. And it makes me wanna feel Ohii-san's love forever ♪
[ He wants it—to accept the love offered to him and return the same tenfold. ]
Who'd have thought your love was the one thing keeping me warm? Even now, I'm hoping you'll feel it, too. My "love"!
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The warm feeling that's come over him now. The emotion that's gripped his heart these past two years. The thing that's overwhelmed him to the point of hugging his pillow alone in his room. That's the word for it.
He's been thinking about "love" more often recently. Love is what's missing from this place, he told Leo. "There's no one better at giving or receiving love," he told someone else here. He's been turning over the lyrics to his second solo in his free time, something he was working on at home that got put on the backburner so they could practice for SS. That song is about love, of course. The warm and all-accepting love he means to shower his fans with. But his love isn't just reserved for them, for Eden or his family.
It makes his stomach squirm a little, putting himself out there like that. But at this point he doesn't fear rejection. And sure enough, that's not at all what Jun gives him. He's silent for a moment, just taking in his partner's wonderful words, his breath stuck somewhere in his throat.]
Mm...
[But he finds his voice eventually. Still hugging Jun back, he confirms,]
I can feel it.
[Because he really can. It makes his voice unsteady and his knees weak, but he can; the boy he picked up like a stray dog two years ago really did come to love him. How miraculous is that?]
And since forever is what we promised, that's exactly what I'll give you.
they make me sick
When Rinne-senpai returned, he began clearly expressing his feelings for Hiyori at the table. Over time, Jun's come to accept that his feelings for Hiyori were indeed love, which he now intends to embrace. And when he confided in Topaz about his feelings, she helped him realise this environment wasn't the source of them. And they'd always been there—something Jun knew from the beginning. He began talking about feelings with Topaz, who helped him understand that this place wasn't making him feel that way.
While vulnerability hardly comes easily, he can be vulnerable with Hiyori, knowing he will be accepted and loved for all his feelings and more. ]
You can? That's.. that's good, Ohii-san.
[ Despite his deep love for Hiyori, his fear of rejection held him back from confessing his feelings—until now. Love can be a daunting and all-consuming feeling, making him hyper-aware of Hiyori's actions. Yet, after nearly three years, he knows him well and remains unfazed by his partners behaviour, even when there are reasons he should be.
But Hiyori can feel his love, and that's all that matters. ]
And that's what I'm giving you too, Ohii-san. Not just the promise, but my heart and love forever.
they are gag-inducing (pos)
Yep! ♪
[And then he reaches for one of Jun's arms, wrapping a hand around his wrist and guiding Jun's hand over to the center of his chest. Aiming to place it right over his heart.]
Right here, I can feel it.
[It wasn't a guarantee. That Jun would come to love him, that is. Or that it'd be the same kind of love that Hiyori felt. That's why he's so overcome. Jun went above and beyond for him, of course. But was that out of love, or was it because that's what Hiyori demanded of him? Was it love or was it "gratitude" fueling Jun's tenderness towards him? Where does one even draw the line between those two emotions?
He used to think Nagisa didn't love him. That he was more like an overgrown duckling who'd imprinted on the first person to teach him things, who'd showed what it meant to live. In many ways, his relationship with Jun was similar. But he knows better now. The truth is that he's surrounded by love. And he's incredibly, unbelievably happy. He couldn't possibly be happier!
At least not until Jun promises him his heart and his love forever, and then he somehow finds a way.]
Oh, really?
[Surprise flickers across his face before he breaks into an even bigger, even more beautiful, impossibly-brighter smile. There's only one thing he can say.]
Then I won't ever let you go! ♪
[It's a promise!
And a threat.]and they don't even know it
From feeling so unsure to accepting the love given, listening to Hiyori's confident tone helps, realising it would be illogical to reject his love. But love can be intimidating, as it can easily be mistaken and confused for other emotions such as gratitude. Another important reason for Jun to have utter confidence in his love, especially when Hiyori already had his heart long before today.
His heart beats even faster, if possible, but he feels it. ]
Mhm, I'm really happy you can feel it.
[ Tone soft, taking a deep breath, Jun half curls his fingers against the hand right on his heart. Having Hiyori here with him feels comforting, the same way he's always felt, the same way he'll always feel.
Feeling this way is easy, he realises when the surprise flickering across Ohii-san's face breaks into an even bigger, brighter smile. A smile so beautiful has Jun catching his breath, a short tinkle of laughter following. ]
I could say the same thing, y'know? 'Cause now I've got you, I'm not boutta give you up for anybody or anything ♪
[ Also a promise
and a threat, knowing this isn't an ideal place for their love to blossom. But Jun couldn't care less, he's going to defy the House every step of the way, especially now his feelings are returned. ]Call it intuition, if ya want, but I've got a real good feeling 'bout us.
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Either way, his big, beaming smile is going nowhere. Not when Jun says he won't give him up for anyone; he's overjoyed to hear it, rather. These days, he isn't riddled with anxiety that Jun will choose someone else. Maybe a month or two ago, but not now, after Jun held his hand in a flower maze and called him beautiful. Not after he said that thing on the Network about taking a "shot" with someone who was most definitely him. And certainly not after hearing him talk about his "love." He'll trust in Jun's words, in the warmth of Jun's hand, in the way Jun looks at him—all of it. All those wonderful things are just for him to enjoy.
But, you know, despite trusting his partner, it's still nice to hear Jun won't be "giving him up" for any boys who called him cute on his profile or girls who think they're game characters!]
Good.
[A simple response, but with plenty of conviction behind it.]
Because I want you to hold on tight without ever letting go.
[He squeezes Jun's hand. This isn't the ideal environment for love, it's true. But neither was Reimei Academy, or a unit built with nothing but profitability in mind. They can handle it here. He believes in their ability to make something wonderful bloom in even the dreariest of circumstances.]
... I'm sure this place would test a lot of people. But I have absolute faith that Jun-kun will stay the same person I find so lovable. The one I chose as my partner ♪
[It's not quite "the person I fell in love with," but it's a start.]
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Confessing his feelings, despite the risks, has lifted a weight off his shoulders, as he no longer worries about rejection or hiding how he truly feels. Gradually opening his heart to Hiyori seemed easier than he expected, without Jun ever fully realising. There was something special about Hiyori that had the unique ability to turn him into a lovesick fool—but despite the challenges posed by their careers and current environment, reaching this pivotal moment seemed effortless. Their bond had never been stronger.
Honestly, he'd probably feel a little embarrassed if he ever found out Hiyori knew what he'd written on the post, but that self-disclosure was a key factor in the decision to confess his feelings. So why not allow them to find happiness together? He hopes Hiyori can trust him and his words because they will never be broken. ]
Don't worry, Ohii-san, I don't ever plan on letting go.
[ A simple response has him smiling, knowing their bond is unbreakable. Although neither place back home provided an ideal environment, there is a positive feeling between them. Wishing he had been more forthright about his feelings earlier, but dwelling on what could have been will not change anything. It feels good to have those words reiterated; knowing they can work through this, and things will unfold as they had hoped, perhaps even exceeding their expectations.
He breathes in, affectionately rubbing his nose against Hiyori's. ]
That's precisely why I've got a good feeling 'bout us. So I'm gonna make sure no one comes in and thinks they can ruin what we've got! It's like you said, I've got faith Ohii-san's gonna stay the same, too. And if you don't, I'll drag ya back down to reality. Got it?
[ It's affectionate, but a promise. ]
I'm happy you chose me, 'cause now we're here ♪
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If he gets the urge to reread a conversation, though, it's going to be this one from last month. The one where Jun first said all sorts of wonderful things to him, from "My mind races with all the things I wanna do by your side" to "My heart is just filled with you." The one where he said that his words during SS weren't just about singing. The one where he promised to stay by him forever, just as he's promising him again now.
All of that helped prepare him for him Jun's in-person confession, making sure it didn't reduce him to a blushing mess (that would've been embarrassing). But it still feels almost unreal to have Jun nuzzling him sort of like a cat and promising not to let go. It makes his heart vibrate with affection.
But it also soothes his anxieties. Especially what Jun says at the end. He spends much of his time worried about Jun, but he's also been worried about the impact this place might have on him. What if when he leaves, he can't go back to being "the idol called Hiyori Tomoe"? What if he's become too jaded, too cynical, too dirty? What if his shine is gone and he's no longer the dazzling existence his fans love? These worries would be haunting him a lot more if Jun wasn't there, but thanks to his partner's presence, they're barely present most of the time.
Jun keeps him grounded. He knows that. And he'll just have to keep doing the same for Jun.]
Mm.
[He hums softly, leaning his nose against Jun's.]
I'm glad you can say that, despite everything that's happened. ... I don't like that Jun-kun got taken and put in a place like this, but I'm glad to have you here with me.
[A pause, and then he continues:]
After we got here, me and Leo-kun had a conversation about staying "ourselves" in this place. He pointed out that some of the longer-term guests seem like they've been brainwashed. And he said that if he ever loses interest in composing, that'll be a sign he's no longer himself.
[He keeps Jun's hand in a squeeze. It's sort of a depressing topic, but he figures it's relevant.]
I guess in my case, it'd be something like "if I'm not looking out for Jun-kun, or I stop wanting Jun-kun as my partner, then that's a sign I'm no longer myself." That's how important an existence you've become to me. But I do have faith those things won't ever happen. The House can throw all manner of distractions at us, but they can't take away our feelings for each other.
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Perhaps it is a good thing Jun hardly remembers the other thing he was posting about (or with) during that Network post.The good news is that he has been re-reading those comments repeatedly, especially the last one Hiyori wrote before disappearing. (Only to see him later in the evening for dinner, where something was knowing, something real between them.) Jun meant every word in those messages; not only was he trying to gauge Hiyori's potential reaction, but he also thought it helped him realise their feelings might be mutual. Even if the scary thought about an in-person confession lingered, the depths of his feelings were getting too much, as if threatening to consume him entirely, leaving him desperate to convey them at last.
Despite the risks, his love for Hiyori is unwavering. Even if this situation were to ruin them both, even if their secrets were discovered upon their return, Jun would continue loving Hiyori no matter the consequences. Nothing could ever stop his feelings; an intense, overwhelming love between them.
But there is a sense of relief in hearing those words come from his partner. Brainwashing isn't quite the most happy of topics, though there is an understanding there. In complete agreement, Jun nods and responds by lightly kissing Hiyori's lips. He can't quite help himself, being this close, nuzzling again as the familiar warmth lingers.
Hiyori has also become a significant figure in his life. Someone important—the most important person—more than he's willing to admit. ]
Well, the same applies to me! If I quit wanting to do things for you or start saying anything 'bout not wanting to stick by your side, you'll know something's wrong. And I'd want ya to break me outta it, even if you've gotta be violent 'bout it! You've become the sorta person who I'll always wanna be 'round, 'cause I'm always thinking 'bout you.
[ The same as he told Hiyori through texts—an embarrassing amount. ]
And I'm with you, Ohii-san, no matter what goes on with this place. We just gotta remember we've got one another's backs! Plus, they'll never be able to take away our feelings for one another, 'cause we won't let 'em ♪
[ But it is rather a good thing none of those things are real. ]
It's scary, Ohii-san. And I gotta say I'm pretty scared 'bout relationships and all the stuff that'll come with being in one, 'cause I dunno what I'm doing or where we'll go. But it feels right, to be with you! And I know we'll figure it out together, won't we?
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... not that Hiyori feels any such urges right now, least of all towards his loving partner. The talk of brainwashing really is a mood killer, but Jun responds with a kiss anyway, short yet sweet enough to make his head go fuzzy. If it weren't already fuzzy from all of Jun's sweet words, that is.
It's not so fuzzy he's incapable of teasing, though.]
... mm, got it!
[He hums cheerfully, forehead still leaning against Jun's, his smile turned sly.]
If I ask Jun-kun to do something, but he says it's a pain or he doesn't want to, then that's a sign his brain isn't working! So, I'll flick him upside the forehead! ♪ Or gently thwap the back of his head. Whichever~ ♪
[Hopefully that bit of silliness will dissolve some of the heaviness brought on by the topic change.
He thinks about moving Jun's hand away from his chest, guiding it back down to his side so they can hold hands without it being quite so serious. Then Jun says that thing about being scared, and instead he lets it stay resting over his heart. Jun probably can't feel the way it reacts to his use of the word "relationship," but Hiyori sure can, his chest constricting as though Jun reached directly inside him, closed a hand around his heart and squeezed.]
Yep~. It feels completely right. For me to be Jun-kun's first, that is.
[First kiss that he knows of, first time, first relationship. First "partner." He's greedy and selfish enough that he's thrilled to claim all of Jun-kun's firsts. Though he also adds,]
And for you to be my first.
[Because that's true, too. He already admitted it when he said he'd never been on a "journey" like this before. It figures that Jun, whom he'd already been treating as a "partner" for more than just singing, would be the one he commits to. Jun, whom he's so determined to tether to his side. Jun, whom he thought was "beautiful" and felt captivated by from the very start, before Jun had done anything for him and before they'd even said a word to each other.
Hiyori's not ready to admit that yet. He feels readier now than he would have at home, but he'd rather keep that under wraps for a little while. It's still somehow embarrassing, admitting how long Jun's had his heart. But it's that knowledge—the knowledge that Jun can steal his heart just with his dazzling existence—that Hiyori feels compelled to tell him not to worry, and he tries to tie that back to what he said before about the resort.]
So, because we make perfect sense together, I wouldn't fret too much. As you said, we'll figure it out. All Jun-kun really needs to do is stay true to himself. And then we'll go back together to the place where we belong ♪
... It's not just for Nagisa-kun, Ibara, and our fans' sakes that we get back. It's for our own sake, too. I'm happy here when I'm with Jun-kun, but I'm sure we can be even happier at home.
[He laces their fingers together tight and smiles, staring right into Jun's eyes as he says his last piece.]
Achieving your dream alongside the one you love sounds like something from a manga, doesn't it? I struggle to think of anything more romantic than that... ♪
[Hopefully their fans will see it his way. Not anytime soon, but some day in the distant future.]
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He half-laughs, far too happy about being close to complain. But maybe… ]
Well, it’s more like if I don’t end up doing those things. ‘Cause I still complain but do ‘em!
[ Truthfully, he hardly minds running errands, stopping whatever he’s doing or anything else for Ohii-san’s whimsical sake. If Jun truly had issues, he’d have plenty of reasons to deny any request’s given.
But as is, he doesn’t.
And as this stands, Jun hastily confirms how afraid relationships are for him. As someone afraid of losing someone special, the special someone being Ohii-san, there is a fair chance this may not work out. Deep inside his psyche, the biggest fear would be losing Hiyori over something as silly as their current situation. There always will be a fear of losing someone you love, and that would be the worst, most soul crushing fear.
But having the reassurance, the words telling him otherwise will make the fear subside. It does as much when Hiyori begins speaking, telling him all the wonderful things about being one another’s firsts. (Or Jun, it’s really none of his business who Hiyori has been with before him.) ]
Mhm, I’m real glad all my “firsts” was with someone I love.
[ His cheeks burn admitting to it, and he hasn’t a chance to stop himself before the words come out. But meaning those words will never stop their meaning. Jun loves him, he knows this for certain. There is no point of him denying how he feels when being loved back feels like home.
It makes perfect sense for them to be together, with the happiness of them being together outweighing the rest. He wishes he could feel Hiyori’s rapid heart beats, the same as his own heart beats faster with each word. ]
We do make perfect sense together, so I’ll do my best and we’ll figure out how it’s gonna go. I promise I’m always gonna stay true to myself, I’ll never lose sight of us.
Yep, we’ll be even stronger back home, not worrying ‘bout what’s going on day to day. I’m also happy being here with Ohii-san, but we’ve got this shared goal of making it home.
[ He smiles, fondly, allowing his partner to lace their hands together. He stares back, rubbing circles across his palm and nodding. But he can’t help tease, ]
Have ya been reading some sorta shoujo manga, Ohii-san~? But it sorta does, except this is our life, so achieving the same dream sounds pretty good to me. ‘Specially when you’re the only person who can make me feel loved.
[ Yes, he couldn’t think of anything more romantic. ]
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[Yep. He's still teasing. He doesn't actually mind if Jun complains sometimes. It's part of their back-and-forth!
But the teasing ends fast, because that "all my firsts were with someone I love" line completely decimates him.
He blushes harder, now. A fierce, luminescent blush. They've said the word "love" a few times now, but somehow that direct phrasing just does him in. Jun-kun said "someone I love." He has someone he loves and that "someone" is him.]
M... Mm.
[He struggles to even hum in response. His heartbeat is so frenzied that he's sure Jun must be able to feel it thundering.]
I still remember what Jun-kun said before. About wanting it to be with someone he cares about "deeply." So, I'm glad I could be Jun-kun's...
[He trails off. His voice is on the verge of cracking; this is so embarrassing. But maybe it's fine to get a little emotional. Isn't it? His secret love was returned. His secret fears never came to fruition. His worries that Jun would fall prey to the resort's corrupting influence, or he'd become jaded and cold, or he'd get hurt or used up by someone, or he'd fall in love with someone else here and choose that person over Eden and over him... None of that ever happened. None of that ever will happened. Jun is his.
And he's the one Jun loves.
Forget being on the verge of cracking. By the time Jun reaches the end, saying he's the only person who's made him feel loved, he's fully cracked. He might tear up if this goes on! Talk about embarrassing!]
... sorry, but I need to hug you tight for a bit.
[That's all the warning Jun gets before Hiyori flings both arms around his middle and squeezes hard, burying his face next to Jun's. He doesn't have a pillow to hug, but that's okay. Jun-kun's here, so he'll hug Jun-kun!
Being a replacement pillow is a job for his lover, after all.]
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He smiles, fondly watching as the blush shows on his partner’s cheeks. Hiyori’s so cute that his heart rattles loudly beneath his chest, as if it’s thundering, almost done in by Hiyori’s expression.
Those words are for Hiyori Tomoe only, he’s the person he loves, the person he’s fallen in love with, and the person’s side he’s diligently stayed by from the beginning. ]
Well, being honest with you, you’re someone I’ve cared ‘bout deeply for a real long time. My feelings sorta took me longer to figure out, more than I woulda thought, so thanks for being patient with me.
[ It is fine for them to become emotional, and deal with the embarrassment later. But no part of Jun believes in it. Having your love returned, a secret love at that, feels close to something pulled out of a fairy tale, or shoujo manga. He’d rather die than fall prey to the casinos influence. Something would have to be wrong with Jun if he ever chose someone over Eden, Eve and, above all else, his beloved partner. Truthfully, he’s had the same fear, of being replaced by someone lesser, someone who would never be able to keep up with Hiyori, or take care of him the way he should be treated and loved. His biggest concern and fear would be losing Hiyori, and he never wants to have that come to pass.
This hasn’t been easy, admittedly for a person like Jun. Being able to recognise his love has been the best, most rewarding experience of his entire life. Especially after hearing the ways the person he loves, with all his heart, reacts. Hearing the cracking of words, watching the blush, he can safely say he’s committing the sight to memory, never wanting to forget.
But admitting those soft, sweet words are the truth. No one has ever made him feel loved the way Hiyori does, and further admitting the importance of his existence and love, has him feeling so loved.
Chuckling under his breath, he catches him in his arms, squeezing Hiyori tightly in his embrace. ]
Don’t worry, Ohii-san, ‘cause you can hold me tight whenever you wanna. Nothing would make me happier.
[ And Jun feels rather comfortable admitting outright how much he can and wants the warmth of his boyfriend's embrace. ]
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He keeps his arms wrapped tight around him, remembering that time two months ago when they discovered the suit tattoos. After seeing Jun's tattoo for the first time, he was hit with a rush of anger and worry. He'd thrown his arms around Jun, promising not to let anything happen to him. Jun wasn't the resort's property; he still belonged to Eden, to Hiyori. That was the message he wanted to send.
But of course it went both ways. Jun belongs to him, but he also belongs to Jun. Hiyori changed the course of Jun's life when he picked him up, but Jun changed him in just as many ways. Leaving so many "marks," imprints that won't ever fade. Effortlessly endearing himself and making him fall in love.
He knew he'd changed Jun, but he hadn't known if he'd changed him like that. Now he hears that he has, as Jun confesses he's probably had feelings for him for a while. That stirs Hiyori's heart. Perhaps it makes him feel a bit relieved, deep down, too. So it wasn't just this place, these circumstances. Jun already loved him. Which means he would've ended up right here in Hiyori's arms no matter what. Isn't that right?]
Any time.
[He smiles a tiny smile. Jun can't see it, of course. But hopefully he can hear it in his words.]
I don't usually like being made to wait. But some things in life are worth waiting for, and Jun-kun's heart was one of them... ♪
[He closes his eyes, relishing the feeling of those arms holding him tight.]
So if Jun-kun ever falls behind me, I'll simply wait for you to catch up again. And then you can carry us both across the finish line ♪
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Instead, he clings back, revelling in the warmth of the hug, savouring the comfort their embrace has provided. It felt right to be open to his emotions, even to the point of wanting to cry. After all, the bond between them had blossomed into full-fledged love.
There's no doubt Jun has changed for the better. His mind, feelings, and very being have been challenged and transformed by this love, and knowing with certainty this is real, not a product of the casino's influence. Those feelings existed long before here, but not being able to pinpoint an exact moment when his feelings changed, knowing is enough.
Once Hiyori's done speaking, he manages a half-choked up laugh. ]
Even when I'm tryna say something nice, you're still making it 'bout you. Good thing I don't mind much ♪
[ As he closes his eyes tighter, the fondness grows even stronger, enveloping him in an even warmer embrace. ]
But my heart has always been yours, Ohii-san, from the moment we met.
[ Which means he would've ended up right in Hiyori's arms eventually, even if it took him forever and a day to confess. With a gentle touch, he tenderly traces soothing circles on the small of Hiyori's back, smiling softly, even though he can't see Jun's expression, either. ]
Good thing I don't plan on falling behind, but I wouldn't mind carrying us both across the "finish line" you're talking 'bout. We've made it towards our own finish line now, and I kinda prefer our ending.
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It still feels surreal. For Jun to have felt the same way he did, just as strongly, all along. But he's past the point of questioning it. No more wondering if Jun's romantic words are a part of some fever dream, or a result of the House's manipulations: he knows better, and he couldn't be happier to bask in Jun's love.
But he will add one more thing.]
Mm. I like the sound of "our ending." But I also feel the need to outdo you. So...
[He pauses deliberately, smiling over Jun's shoulder, his arms still squeezing Jun tight.]
If I say my heart's belonged Jun-kun since before we ever met... then how does that sound? Fufufu! ♪
[He smiles and laughs, knowing those words probably sounded like a goofy sweet nothing, like joking around, like teasing. But he meant them in his own way, and one day he'll tell Jun just how sincere they were. One day.]
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He's relieved he and Hiyori have finally opened up to share their long-repressed feelings. For Jun, loving someone meant making them the top priority and being willing to do anything for them, even if it was sometimes irritating and prompted complaints. After much self-doubt, Jun no longer questioned whether his intense feelings were misguided or if the noticeable changes in their relationship were only a figment of his imagination. ]
Mhm, 'course you do ♪
[ Basking in Hiyori's warm embrace, Jun laughs happily. Yet, curiously, what could Hiyori's words mean? Were they playful banter, or did they hold a deeper meaning? Unwilling to bother, Jun takes his partner's remarks at face value, assuming Hiyori is only joking around. ]
I think it sounds pretty nice. So I got no choice but to accept, 'cause Ohii-san's saying something sweet.
[ He presses his nose into Hiyori's shoulder, words muffled as he smiles into his shirt. One day he hopes to know what it means, but for now, he'll accept. ]
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Or perhaps not. Either way, Hiyori accepts it!]
Mmhm ♪ Jun-kun's got no choice but to accept my love. For now and forever ♪
[A reference to his solo song. Something that hadn't finished production before they got kidnapped. He's been refining the lyrics recently; maybe he'll sing them for Jun sometime. Maybe he'll do a lot of things. But for now, he'll just keep basking in the warmth of their shared love, until Jun goes back to doing whatever he was doing before or the staff member shows up to install the canopy above his bed.]
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And even when he finds out the truth, he'll accept it! ]
I'm gonna accept your love and return it! And, well, even if I had no other choice I would. Things just make sense when we're together and you're holding me, saying something nice like forever. And we're a forever sorta deal!
[ Because he may not be able to articulate it eloquently, but when they're together, everything seems to fall in line. He may not know about Hiyori's next solo song, though, he'll want to hear it. Whether the lyrics are finished or not! Accepting Hiyori's love was the first step, and he's ready to embrace and continue basking in their shared love.
Maybe they can't stay here hugging all day, but he's never going to let go of Hiyori now their love is mutual. Not while he feels safe and warm, hoping Hiyori can still feel the warmth of his love. ]
I don't wanna leave Ohii-san for a second, not while he's holding me tightly. But I promise once I'm done with my workout, I'm gonna come back and you'll have the privilege of holding me real tight all you want. For all night, if you wanna...!
[ Which includes kissing and anything else they want to do! He's offering himself up for the taking, knowing Hiyori will make him feel loved, no matter what. ]
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Though there may be one opponent remaining: the gym. Of course Jun has to go and mention his workout routine! But Hiyori's still so overjoyed he can't even tease or sulk about it. And Jun hasn't run to the gym yet, so for now, he'll continue to bask and to hear even more wonderful words. Like "You'll have the privilege of holding me real tight" and "For all night if you wanna"—
Er.
Wait.
That last combination of words makes his brain stutter to a halt.
Did Jun-kun mean actual holding? Or was it an euphemism? If so, what kind of euphemism? Did he mean it the same way Hiyori sort-of meant it? Did he even understand how Hiyori sort-of meant it?! Should he ask?
Nope. Of course he won't.]
... great!
[He responds with enthusiasm! Though his voice might be a tad flustered.]
All night long, we'll hold each other! Sounds good!
[(In reality, there will be no penetration of any kind until the night after Weiss's party. But that's okay. There's no rush!)]
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Jun doesn't fully grasp the meaning behind Hiyori's euphemism. But his was also sort of an euphemism! Maybe not in the same way Ohii-san sort of meant it. ... at least not tonight! Not that Jun quite understands he has permission now. Jun thinks Ohii-san means what they did together during that week, where they held one another, and uh, did those things together! But truthfully, he wouldn't mind them holding one another euphemisms aside.
... or confusion aside!
Wouldn't it be easier to come out and say what he means? Probably! Maybe he needs to be more clear. He half-thinks he understands what Hiyori is implying, but they're not yet ready to take the next step, even if that's ultimately where they both hope to end up. (The case being with the gifts received from the Flower Maze to "encourage" them.)
Besides, they will get there... one day! ]
Yeah! I, uh, also mean what we did during our week together. But 'course we don't hafta do it tonight.
[ He sounds nervous, admitting to having those thoughts about Hiyori. But he had them during the week, had them after and will always have them.
Maybe feeling awkward would better suit his tone; he's trying to avoid using words Ohii-san would consider "crude," but it's not coming out as he'd like. ]
Ohii-san, what I'm tryna say is... if there's an "urge" and you wanna feel good! Well, I'm saying we can.
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Even if it does worsen the blush on his cheeks.
He holds the position a moment, still with his face tucked next to Jun's, before drawing back enough to see each other. Jun's own embarrassed smile effortlessly endears.
Though "if there's an urge and you wanna feel good" isn't exactly sweet talk. It's clumsy and boorish-sounding! Yet it's also just the thing to lighten the mood.]
I heard you loud and clear the first time!
[Hiyori chides without sounding mad. On the contrary, he's smirking.]
But Jun-kun's not wrong.
[He leans their foreheads together again, lowering his voice.]
I always feel good when I'm with him. And I'm sure he'll make me feel ve~ry good tonight.
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But even then, he can't stop talking. Because what if that's not what Hiyori wants? There's no indication he doesn't, which is only Jun's fear taking hold again. Sometimes he can't figure out what Hiyori wants, and in this case, he has been skirting around the topic.
Perhaps if Jun knew how to put it into better words, it wouldn't come out clumsy and "boorish-sounding." He's not the type to eloquently string together words, it's only that he's avoiding using simple ones. ]
Well, I never know with you. I just wanted to make sure we were thinking the same, Ohii-san, 'cause I didn't wanna make an idiot outta myself.
[ He laughs, despite being chided. Thankfully he can tell Hiyori isn't mad, and he feels better for getting to the point. At least one of them did! His cheeks burn, half looking up as he nods. ]
It makes me feel better hearing that, y'know? I'm still learning, but I want Ohii-san to feel good. I wanna remember the way you look forever ♪ And I'm gonna do my best tonight for ya, too.
time for a wrap I think!
... Really, it is for the best. It means he gets to see Jun's cheeks burn, hear him laugh. And it means they're both on the same page about what they'll be doing tonight. Jun can stay over, just as he did during the Springtime game.
And just as he'll do for so many more nights afterwards, when his suite becomes their suite.
The look in his eyes becomes less sly, more gentle. They're still talking about sex, but Jun saying he'll do his best for his sake makes him feel all soft.]
I know you will. You're Jun-kun, after all.
[He closes his eyes, smiling gently, feeling truly happy despite of everything that's gone wrong these past few months.]
I'll do my best, too. To make sure Jun-kun can't take his eyes off me ♪